The Courtship of Suzumiya Haruhi
by Durandall
Summary: This is the sequel to Blunt Force Trauma. Just some nice waffiness with no real dramatic tension. Beware heavily researched cultural notes!
1. Prologue

The Courtship of Suzumiya Haruhi

Prologue: In which a plan is decided upon.

A 'Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' fanfiction.

Note: This fic is a sequel to The Blunt Force Trauma of Suzumiya Haruhi. It may not make much sense if you haven't read that, first.

Disclaimer: The novel 'Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu'/'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. I do not know the producers yet, but the animation company responsible is Kyoto Animation. No disrespect is intended by the posting of this fanfiction, as I do not own the characters or settings involved. I'm merely dabbling with another set of paints. ;)

* * *

Every story has a beginning, but it's hard to look for the start of this one. I could say it started when I met her. I could say it started when she rewrote the world. Or, I suppose, I could say that it started four years ago, when everything came into alignment.

And by 'everything', I mean autoevolution: the control of memetic information through social structures to realign reality. The advent of the espers: their battles to save reality from destruction at the hands of Celestials in Closed Space. A fracture in time-plane conjunction: a rift that that prevents all time-planes prior to this one from lining up correctly, denying access to the past from the future.

I think I got that right.

Anyway, I suppose it would be easiest to say that it started long before I let myself realize it. Most of these things do, really. The risk of reacting rather than acting.

So, why don't we go to the point where I stopped reacting? Let's call that the beginning, even though it isn't, really.

This would be about a month and a half after Suzumiya Haruhi was assaulted by a classmate, a Taniguchi Yosho. At that point, I knew what I had to do.

I just hadn't done it yet.

Patience; these things require time!

Our club room has become very comfortable, after all of the work that Haruhi put into it. Presently, it is myself, Mikuru, Yuki-chan, and Koizumi, because our leader is absent.

"Where is Suzumiya?" Koizumi finally asks, once the calm becomes nerve-wracking.

I'm trying an experiment, though it mostly boils down to trying to unnerve Koizumi. The trick is to do it without frightening Mikuru -- which is quite difficult. "Well," I say finally, "as it happens, she's trying to convince the faculty to release the SOS brigade from standard school responsibilities for a few days to take a trip to Hokkaido."

"Hokkaido?" Mikuru asks wonderingly, peering down into her teacup. "Why there?"

Koizumi nods. "A mysterious death, according to the papers," he says after a pause. He looks down at his teacup. "A high school student was found beaten to death in a train station, and there are no witnesses to see how he arrived. Security camera footage didn't show him entering the station, so no one is sure how he got there."

Yuki-chan, unperturbed, merely flips to the next page in her book. Today it's 'Interface'.

"O...oh," Mikuru says, voice trembling. "W...why would Suzumiya-san want us to go there, though?"

"It's mysterious," I say, before Koizumi has to explain further. "And it has to do with that time that Haruhi knew what she was."

He nods, and explains anyway. "According to the dream ... the backup that Nagato-san gave me," and for this she looks up, but doesn't raise her face; her eyes shift to him momentarily, and then go back to her book, "this matches what happened there, almost."

"Oh," Mikuru says in a tiny, timid voice. "Is it dangerous?"

And then Koizumi gives me that patently superior and condescending gaze -- if I hadn't learned that it was as friendly as he could get, I'd have gotten quite sick of him, I assure you -- grins, and says, "I have no idea. He wasn't one of the Agency, though. I can tell you that much."

"S...so, are we going there?" Mikuru asks worriedly.

"I doubt it," I tell her.

Koizumi looks over sharply. "Is that so?" he asks, his facade fallen. Excellent; a strong step towards unnerving him.

Mikuru is even more agitated, not the intended goal. "I have things well in hand," I tell her. "Haruhi will almost certainly be shot down by the teachers today. She might make a stronger effort tomorrow, but I can interrupt her with a suitable distraction."

This calms Mikuru down, and Koizumi readopts his aloof expression, though I sense a certain nervous tension hidden behind it. "Will you share your brilliant plan with us, then?" he asks.

Damnation. He's unflappable, I tell you. That's the best I'll get out of him. No way to do it without making Mikuru sob.

"Yes," I allow tiredly, trying to keep the annoyance from my gaze. No need to let him know.

But this is a good time to enjoy my tea and allow the silence to stretch dramatically, anyway. It's not like I'm wasting minutes of animation, or anything.

Koizumi waits patiently. Mikuru waits, glancing nervously between myself and the other club members. Yuki-chan finishes her current chapter, moves her bookmark, which I doubt she actually needs, closes the book, and stares forward blankly, not really meeting anyone's gaze.

Sadly, my tea, and thus my ability to taunt Koizumi (I apologize, Mikuru, but justice dictates that I at least try) are not infinite. I set the teacup down, glance towards the silent hall, and ponder. In an anime, Haruhi would appear just in time to hear my plan, and ruin everything. In a novel, she would hear it through the door without me realizing it. Other mediums would undoubtedly offer other, equally annoying and transparent devices to destroy my plan, or make things unnecessarily difficult.

So I rise from the table and turn to the teapot, filling my cup again. As I do so, the door slams open, and Haruhi growls, "They won't let us go!"

"Go where?" Koizumi asks, as I turn around and retake my seat. Mikuru collects herself and shuffles a deck of cards before her, shooting one brief, questioning glance at me before she deals them out. What are we playing, anyway?

"Hokkaido," Haruhi says, taking her seat at the computer, resting her chin on her fist, glowering at the keyboard. Her pensive gaze tells me that she's more upset and worked up about this than I had expected. "There's a mysterious circumstance there -- the kind of thing that we should investigate! But the school board doesn't want to let us have time off! They have no respect for the importance of the SOS Brigade! Sometimes I wish--"

"Hey," I interrupt her, before she can finish vocalizing her desire, "it seems that you're still forgetting context. This group is supposed to investigate mysterious circumstances, but right now the police are investigating it. I've read the papers, and obviously you must have too, or you wouldn't have known. We've seen somewhat more mysterious things in our time, and all the same, it happened on a train. What would we investigate?"

"Maybe it's the place itself!" she protests, distracted from her railing against the faculty. Probably that is for the best, I might add. "The station where it happened!"

"Or the train car, which I'm sure is either a crime scene we can't access, or already moving who-knows-where across Japan."

Mikuru blinks at this, her face paling. "Y...you think ... a car that someone had died in.... I mean, when I get on the train myself...." She looks faint, with the cards only half-dealt, her hands trembling. "Ooooh," she groans, sinking in her chair.

Haruhi glances at her, frowning, then turns her attention to me. "You're such a kill-joy," she grumbles. "This could have been something big! Why are you so against it?"

"Maybe I'm not," I counter. "But hear me out, let me explain that first, will you?"

"Fine," she grumbles, while Koizumi unobtrusively takes the cards from Mikuru and resumes dealing where she left off.

"We can easily make a project out of investigating it from here," I say, when I am left with five cards. Koizumi picks up his, then absently passes stacks of chips to the other players. Poker, I suppose, which I am terrible at. Haruhi raises one eyebrow in skepticism, as though to say I am suggesting we all buy into a cover-story for a complex conspiracy.

"Running off wildly without paying any attention is the kind of activity that will only land you in trouble -- as I think a certain notebook a month or so ago should remind you." This prompts a wince from Haruhi. Koizumi makes a thoughtful noise, and nods to Mikuru. She shakes her head, rousing herself from her faint, though she's still somewhat pale. After a glance at her cards, she pushes some chips into the center of the table.

"But, we'd just read the news?" Haruhi asks doubtfully. "That's it? That's a whole plan?"

Yuki breaks from her book long enough to study her hand, and push a slightly larger stack of chips into the center of the table. I pick up my cards and pretend to look at them, though in reality, I don't care. Koizumi or Yuki always win this game. I push slightly more chips onto the table than Yuki.

"'Just read the news'," I say sighing. "Information analysis and logic can carry us a good distance, can reveal facts that a casual glance could overlook. Going in head first would allow anyone with something to hide to know that we were people to hide things from."

Koizumi matches, calls, and then Mikuru hesitantly discards two cards. Yuki discards three cards, and then ignores the replacements Koizumi deals her, turning the page in her book. I rest my hand on my five cards and shake my head slightly at Koizumi. I'm sure his cards are better than mine anyway. When he draws only one replacement card, my upcoming loss is a foregone conclusion.

"We're not information experts," Haruhi says, crossing her arms over her chest. "What is that kind of long-range analysis good for? That's such a boring method!"

"If there is a conspiracy or cover-up, would we want to alert the people involved that we were people to be dealt with?" I ask, raising one eyebrow.

Haruhi's eyes widen slightly. "Well.... Maybe," she says. Then she becomes more animated, her face lighting up as she leans forward. "No, we'd absolutely want that! That would be a huge windfall! With open opposition, we can prove that a conspiracy exists for certain!"

Mikuru raises, Yuki glances at her three new cards, and also raises, and I absently push the rest of my chips into the pile, causing Koizumi to emit a quiet, frantic strangling noise before he slides all of his chips in, too, shaking his head. After a moment of hesitation, Mikuru gives me a weak smile and slides her chips in. Yuki follows suit, and Koizumi sets his cards on the table, face down.

"Open opposition might prove to be dangerous, if such a thing exists," the esper remarks, though his expression is still genial. I wonder if that will get through to Haruhi; Koizumi is almost never willing to go against her ideas.

"I don't want people to chase us!" Mikuru says quickly, shaking her head and clutching her cards to her chest.

Yuki turns the page in her book.

"Don't be a coward like Kyon, Koizumi," Haruhi encourages him. "That's _exactly_ what we need!"

"Assuming this conspiracy and cover-up exist," I say, holding one hand out to forestall further commentary from Haruhi, "we would be best informed by knowing what the cover story is. The more known details from the official story we have, the better prepared we will be when we we actually investigate. If there is a discrepancy, we will know it immediately, perhaps well enough not to react, and stay below the radar of any watchers."

"But, if we're subtle like that it'll take forever! Wouldn't it be better to be found and chased? Think about it! Action movie escape sequences! Car chases! Explosions, and, and--" Ah, Haruhi ... so excitable. She is much more formidable when she's fixated.

"Haruhi," I say sternly, dropping my extended hand to the table. "A boy was killed. If he is only the merest obstacle in some vast conspiracy, we're only high-school students ourselves. Why don't we just keep an eye on things and look for conspiracy-like cover-ups beforehand?"

"I.... I could handle myself," Haruhi begins hesitantly, nervously glancing between the other club members.

"Haruhi...." I won't finish the statement aloud, but unspoken, the implication of Taniguchi's assault does not need to be voiced a second time.

"W...well.... Okay," she says, shifting her shoulders uncomfortably and looking away. It pains me to use those difficult memories on her, and I have little doubt that Koizumi's workload will be increased by it. "I...it wouldn't hurt to do research beforehand."

"And if it's nothing, truly nothing, then we'll know without taking a very long and boring trip to a very remote and cold place," I add. I really don't want to go to Hokkaido. I especially don't want to become embroiled in a spy novel, or a conspiracy-theory thriller.

"Fine," she mumbles, looking defeated and nervous. Perhaps I was too harsh.

"I apologize," I say, sighing. "But ... we should discuss this later."

She blinks in alarm, the light coming back into her eyes as she focuses on me. "What? If it's club business, we can talk about it here."

I give a small, lopsided smile. "I'm afraid I have to go home; my little sister needs help with a school project."

"That's the real reason you don't want to go to Hokkaido!" she explodes, leaping to her feet and pointing at me in accusation.

"Absolutely untrue," I tell her, shaking my head quickly. "I did the same project years ago in the same school; repeating it is a monotony I do not look forward to. Going to Hokkaido would be an escape from that. But, alas, we are here, cautious and safe, so I should help her." It is true I am not exactly eager to work with my little-sister on her photo collage ... and going to Hokkaido truly would be an escape.

But the photo collage is easily preferable to whatever madness Haruhi would bring upon us.

"W...we're not done here," Haruhi grumbles. "I'm walking home with you to make sure this isn't some ploy!"

"If you insist," I say with a shrug, rising from my seat. Koizumi reveals his hand of cards, then looks at me questioningly. I turn over my cards without checking them, or his, and ask, "Is the entire club coming with us?"

Mikuru makes a strangled noise, and stares in dismay at her own cards. Yuki blinks and looks over, then blinks again.

"My, my," Koizumi murmurs. "A royal flush ... I should have put my money on you, Kyon."

"What?" Haruhi asks, suddenly distracted. "That's got to be an omen of some sort! Luck like that doesn't just happen! I am _absolutely_ following you home tonight." So much for revealing the plan to the rest of the club. I'm sure they can figure it out, though.

It probably doesn't take a genius to understand anyway, but.... So begins:

The Courtship of Suzumiya Haruhi

* * *

Author's note: Only a few years late. Also, the card thing was written before I saw season two or read the novels. Damnit. -_-

In further news, this will also be my last Haruhi anime fanfic, as I have been hopelessly sucked into the world of the novels. They are my Obsession of the Moment. Apologies.


	2. Chapter 1

The Courtship of Suzumiya Haruhi

Chapter one: In which things are not as easy as hoped.

A 'Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' fanfiction.

Note: This fic is a sequel to The Blunt Force Trauma of Suzumiya Haruhi. It may not make much sense if you haven't read that, first.

Disclaimer: The novel 'Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu'/'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. I do not know the producers yet, but the animation company responsible is Kyoto Animation. No disrespect is intended by the posting of this fanfiction, as I do not own the characters or settings involved. I'm merely dabbling with another set of paints. ;)

* * *

Haruhi and I leave the school together, her eyeing me suspiciously the entire time. We stride down the hill together, myself, perhaps, not hurrying as much as I might have. This is entirely due to a lack of enthusiasm at helping my little sister out with her school project.

I will admit a small amount of regret, a memory of a certain irritating trudge through the rain with Haruhi, and a single shared umbrella. But that was another time, feeling longer ago than it likely truly was.

"So," Haruhi says after a moment of walking, "what was it you wanted to talk about, anyway? You seemed to be going out of your way to avoid mentioning something in front of everyone else."

"Maybe I worry about you," I say, shrugging. "I'm sorry if reminding you makes you uncomfortable. I just think that patience and caution might go a lot further towards finding what you're looking for."

After a pause, when she looks away, I add, "I also honestly think that the incident in Hokkaido isn't worth the travel time. While the situation is inexplicable at the moment, nothing about it seems at all unnatural."

"W...well, you're not an expert on the supernatural," she retorts. "Bah, talking like you have daily dealings with time-travelers, demons, espers, aliens.... I think you're just lazy!"

She might have me there, and one eyebrow tics in annoyance. "I am not _just_ lazy," I retort. Very lazy, perhaps, but that's hardly the extent of my being. "I am also...." But I hesitate. "I do have an ulterior motive," I finally confess.

Surprised, she glances at me. "Really?" Her eyes light up again, "Is it that you've found something else out? Maybe you already know about the conspiracy!?"

Oh-ho. Yes. But you wouldn't believe me, if I were to tell you.

"Hey! What's that smile mean!?"

I try and straighten my expression out. "I'd rather not spend Saturday stumbling around in Hokkaido looking for what I believe to be a nonexistant clue," I tell her. "Again, we can talk about it later." Though, I probably shouldn't keep putting this off forever.

I am avoiding the issue, but one who has a sort of freedom, while still being herded to their inevitable destiny, can only feel so confident. She glowers at me, then grumbles, "You are an unhelpful subordinate."

"There is a Chinese curse that says, 'May you live in interesting times', or something like that."

"That would be a nice curse," she says with a sigh. "This world is just so _boring_ sometimes!"

"But safe," I point out.

"Yeah, well...."

We fall silent when she trails off, moving through the train terminal and boarding the train back towards my stop. The train isn't especially crowded, so we find seats next to one-another, with enough space between for our bags.

"Alright, Buzz Killington, if you're going to shut down my Hokkaido plans," she says abruptly, "we should think of what we can do in the meantime."

"Like?" I ask, already worried about where this will lead.

"Hmm, maybe archeology? We could look for ancient mysterious artifacts! Or, since you mentioned that Chinese curse, we could look for haunted houses or cursed items!" she enthuses.

"I don't know of any such things nearby," I say skeptically. "Maybe if you wait for the next festival you can find a haunted house."

"That's not the same thing!" she protests. "And you should know that!"

"Then we'd need to wait until we can take a trip somewhere," I say, shrugging.

Haruhi glowers at me. "You are being very unhelpful," she says.

"How about this," I say, as placatingly as I can, "we can spend our time researching and planning where to go when we can take a trip. Pick out a good mysterious or haunted site to investigate."

"I suppose," she says reluctantly, considering. "All this researching and planning, with no exploration. When did you turn into such a coward?"

"I'm not afraid of encountering something unexpected," I tell her, surprised at how true it is. "Not for myself, anyway," I add, turning to look at my feet. Cursed tongue; stay thy wagging!

Haruhi shifts in her seat, clutching her schoolbag to her chest as her face colors slightly. I do not look directly at her; Haruhi doesn't deal with awkwardness well. Either she ignores it, or she overpowers it with something else. The train stops, and a crowd of people board. "M...move your bag," she orders, scooting in the seat adjacent to me. I obligingly pick up my bag and set it on my knees as she sits at my side, looking down and away. After that, we are both quiet, surrounded in the constant murmur of other conversations around us.

It feels awkward, being unsure if I'm doing my chosen task well, or if I'm simply fumbling my way through things in the most blundersome possible manner. The romantic comedies I've been exposed to throughout my high-school life -- and indeed, even before -- assure me that everyone fumbles, but at the same time, I wonder if that would satisfy Haruhi.

I know that Haruhi wants a grand romance, or at least, something exciting and unusual.

Okay, probably not the grand romance angle so much. Which is simultaneously a relief and a huge headache. I can easily imagine her getting bored with it, probably almost instantly. So, something different, something that would somehow expand the mystery of the world and change the way she views, well, probably almost everything ever.

That's an unreasonably tall order, so it's going to be a real struggle to pull off. The train stops abruptly at the next station, and Haruhi is pressed into my side by the force. When the train begins moving to the next stop, she takes a very long moment to stop leaning against me. I pretend not to notice, and we both stand, hanging onto the overhead rings for balance as we move towards the doors.

"What kind of thing should we investigate?" she asks quietly, once we're out of the station, walking towards my home.

Well, I don't want to be mixed up in anything involving curses, and I don't think that anything good will come of ancient artifacts. Still, whatever I suggest to Haruhi will very likely end up being a reality I will have to deal with, while she remains somehow oblivious. That in mind.... "You said a haunted house?" I ask her back.

"Yeah," she says slowly, seemingly with less enthusiasm than I would have expected, "but I don't know of any either. Not any real ones -- I've checked out almost all of the local mysteries a long time ago."

"Then we have something we can investigate."

A tiny hint of a smile comes to her lips. "I suppose that will be safe enough to keep you from worrying?" she asks.

I shrug. "It's something. And if we can't travel, then maybe we can just play hyakumonogatari kaidankai," I suggest.

She blinks at me. "Y...you mean, for real?" she asks in surprise. "Do you think we can come up with a full hundred ghost stories? I've always wanted to try it...."

"If everyone finds twenty, it will be no problem." Though, it would be annoying learning twenty stories. And even more annoying if someone else learned the same stories I did.

"Hmm," Haruhi muses quietly. "We'll need to get extra stories, in case Mikuru faints."

Damn, that's true. Make that thirty stories.

"But then, maybe Yuki could read some extra ones. Really, she probably already has!"

I'm not certain I want to rely on Yuki-chan to tell extra ghost stories, actually. She might break the mood entirely ... or perhaps, she'd be very good at it. Neither possibility is particularly encouraging.

"I guess that might be okay."

Only okay? I hope she doesn't get bored. "Well, if that's not enough, what about arranging a trip to Himeji castle? We could check out Okiku's haunted well."

"It'd be near impossible to get into Himeji castle at night!" she protests, smiling anyway. "Now, now, you say there's no chance of us going to Hokkaido to investigate, but you think it'll be okay to break into a national treasure? And a world heritage site, no less?"

"Firstly," I retort, "I said nothing of breaking in. Secondly, if you don't want to go there after all, then we don't have to." I can't help but smirk back at her. She snorts and looks away, her smile gone.

Ah, well. The sensation of an opportunity lost, and a mood dispelled. Not the best thing to say, I suppose, but given that we reach my house at that point, probably for the best.

After we step inside, I call out that I'm home. Little sister runs in and excitedly hugs me once I kick off my shoes. "Kyon! I need help cutting out good pictures for my collage! You promised!" she cries.

I turn to Haruhi and raise one eyebrow. "See?"

"Fine, fine," she says with a sigh. "But, really, I expect you to do a good job; I don't like SOS Brigade business being interrupted by your chores!"

No sympathy whatsoever.... Maybe it will be better to spend time with my sister after all. "Coming in?" I ask Haruhi, when she still stands in the entryway.

She hesitates, considering something, then shakes her head and sighs. "I'll see you tomorrow," she mumbles, before she leaves.

I suppose that wouldn't be interesting enough to her. I sigh at the expected vibration of my phone as the door closed. "Let's get to work," I tell my sister absently, glancing at the screen to see that the text is from Koizumi. Unsurprising. I can check it later.

XXX

Kunikida and I don't hang out as much as we used to. Actually, I suppose that's a bit untrue. It suggests that we hung out a lot before, which we haven't really done since junior high school. We still eat lunches together, but after Taniguchi, who ate lunches with us for nearly a year, we have a certain amount of embarassing noteriety.

I should expand on that, since this is something you wouldn't have any other way to know.

As the story goes, a few weeks back, Tanaguchi assaulted Haruhi. That seemingly harmless but somewhat perverted boy was actually a would-be-murderer, who picked Haruhi as an easily manipulatable target. This is what Haruhi believes, and so, Kunikida believes it, too. So does the entire world, outside of the non-Haruhi members of the SOS Brigade.

In my memory, and memories backed up by Yuki-chan, Taniguchi never tried to lay a finger on Haruhi. He actually simply revealed to her the truth of what she was and said some irrelevant things. If you must know the details, specifically, it was said that I was in love with Mikuru, and Haruhi's logic-defying power could never alter that unfortunate truth.

An awkward time I am not comfortable remembering. But the reminders of it happen every day, fading just to be brought back with alarming suddeness. A schoolmate I don't know will approach me, and ask me about my heroic rescue of Haruhi from someone even more demented. I don't like to discuss it with them, but it's not because I don't want to tell stories about being the hero.

It's because Haruhi made up the details, and believes them ... but I don't remember them, because it is uncertain if they ever happened. Certainly, they did not happen in _my_ memory, but that means little in the face of Haruhi's understanding.

I am approached for being both the 'hero who saved Suzumiya', and for being a loose associate of Taniguchi. Kunikida has avoided the noteriety of the first part, but being distant from Haruhi makes him more approachable for the latter aspect. Considering that he knew Taniguchi about as well as I do, the relative deluge of questions is as unwelcome to him as it is to me.

But Kunikida is a good friend, in truth. He doesn't defer everything to me, with an easily uttered, "You should ask Kyon; he was there when it happened. He would know more." Instead, he says, "I didn't know Taniguchi as well as I thought I did. None of us did, really. And don't ask Kyon about it; I went to school with him for years, and I know that he doesn't like discussing it."

And after that, we talk about what inconsequential things we can. Occasionally, he talks about video games, but he's not such a fan he can speak of them endlessly, and I don't have much time for them myself. Sometimes we both talk about sports. Lately, as a defense against the other students, we have learned to adopt serious expressions and ponder the ever-shifting Japanese economy.

Anyone who stood and listened for longer than a minute would realize that this conversation was a thinly veiled ploy to say, in less obvious words, "We do not wish to discuss Taniguchi."

As an unfamiliar student approaches during our lunch, Kunikida suddenly launches into an incoherent review of trade policy with Korea and their own history of economic turmoil. I nod sagely until he finishes and add manufactured observations of trade embargoes by other countries and how they represent a chance for our own country to capitalize on the opportunity. In the end, it's just words strung together, less meaningful than anything else we could discuss, but the shield works, and the unknown student realizes he should not ask his questions, turning around and leaving with a bowed head.

I trail off mid-sentence. Our cover undoubtedly fails to work on those who sit near us when we eat, but in the interests of peace, they politely pretend not to notice.

"Hey, Kyon," Kunikida asks, his voice very quiet as he packs the last few bites of his bento away, uneaten.

"Hmmm," I noise, uncomittal as I pack up the remains of my own lunch. "What is it?"

"I would understand if it's not my place to ask," he says, still in that low tone, "but I am curious."

Well, Kunikida and I are a team, of sorts, weathering this irritating Taniguchi-based questioning. Of course, Haruhi is considered unapproachable for the purposes of asking her perspective; I am the only safe avenue of communication with her. For some reason. I nod at him, knowing that the question will be Haruhi-related, but uncertain what it will be. "Ask away, Kunikida."

He steels himself, eyes looking out the window. "Would what happened to her be enough to satisfy her need to find strange and unusual things?" he asks. "Has it calmed her down in any way?"

That was far less personal than I had expected. This from the boy who once told the class I liked strange girls. "Briefly," I answer, looking for the same mysterious point outside of the classroom that he is. Blue skies today. It looks like it will be rain free. "She is as uncautious as ever, on her own, but at least listens to me when I try and plead the cause of reason."

"Ah ... well. I just wondered. I would have expected you two to have lunches together by now."

I would have choked on my bento if I'd still been eating. As it is, I limit my expression to merely dour. There's the personal question I had expected. Perhaps Kunikida is right, but lunches together at school sounds cliche. "I don't know if that would meet Haruhi's need for more madness."

"Ah ... I'm sorry," Kunikida says, chuckling in embarassment and scratching the back of his head. "I've overstepped myself. I apologize."

"No," I sigh. "You have a point, as little as I like to think about it. But let me ask you a question in return. If I do that, who will you discuss ... the economy with?"

"You've been quite earnest," Kunikida says with a broad grin. "Helping me dodge those questions by us sticking together. But as time passes, the questions should fade. Other than the occasional students who only know the rumors, we both need to move on. Probably when we enter our second year, a wave of new students will be problematic for a time, but that will pass. Aside from which, while I appreciate the help, you're her hero, and just a good friend to me." He chuckles again, slightly. "No offense."

"None is taken," I reply almost automatically. "I'd rather talk about this with you than Koizumi." Entirely true, except for the parts that Kunikida would judge me a loony for bringing up. Which is quite a lot, some days. "Well. Alright. I'll do that which must be done. Let me know if you want to discuss the economy some day, hmm?"

Kunikida laughs softly, more than a chuckle, commenting, "So much self sacrifice, eh? We're like a bad anime, or a worse video game."

I smile in return, though I don't feel it. Self sacrifice is a term I've been struggling very hard to avoid thinking about.

XXX

I feel like Koizumi, wearing that fake smile with Kunikida. The feeling hasn't really faded when I enter the club house after classes finish. Mikuru is already there, wearing her maid outfit and preparing the tea. "It will be ready soon," she says apologetically. Yuki-chan is there, too, of course.

"Thank you, Mikuru-chan," I reply, taking my usual seat and sighing.

"Kyon-kun," Mikuru asks quietly, "are you troubled? I don't know what yesterday was about...."

I wave a hand, eyes closed. "It's nothing important." When my eyes open, Yuki-chan is staring at me intently, looking up from her book. It's a new one again, 'Diamond Age'. "Well, it's quite important, but I don't think I should speak of it right now."

Yuki-chan turns slowly to stare at the doorway, as Mikuru looks confused. Just then, the door bursts open to reveal a manic, grinning Haruhi, and behind her, Koizumi, both of them burdened with heavy armfuls of books. Yuki-chan blinks a few times and continues staring.

Mikuru looks confused enough not to whimper in terror. "Um, what's all this?" she asks, when Haruhi dumps her stack of books on the table, and Koizumi carefully sets his own down.

"Research material!" Haruhi says brightly. I pick one book out of the pile, and read the title: 'Ghost Stories of Japan, Vol. 8'. "Research material! If Kyon is afraid of conspiracies and traveling to Hokkaido, we're going to see what we can do here!"

And just like that, she's forgotten about our 'long range investigation' of that boy in Hokkaido? I suppose I should be pleased; I had little interest in researching something so morbid. Though, the fact that I consider ghost story research to be less morbid is probably a sign that I've drifted very far from the outlook of a regular person.

I will hope that this was inevitable, and not a personal failing.

"How many stories do we each have to learn?" I ask, opening the book and grimacing at the number of pages in it.

Haruhi nods, crossing her arms over her chest. "We should each learn as many as we can, and compare notes on how ghosts work. What we can use to defend ourselves if ghosts show, up, what causes ghosts have for appearing, that sort of thing!"

"I see," Yuki-chan says quietly, closing her own book and moving to take the topmost book off the pile.

For a while, I was not a regular person. Yuki-chan, in that other world, modified me somehow, making a backup copy of herself in 'my data', and giving me the ability to be aware of her power, and Koizumi's as well. Ultimately, I asked her to remove it once that episode was dealt with; perhaps I am a coward and running away from responsibility, but I used the justification that if I allow myself to be changed from being a normal person too much, I won't be as helpful in keeping Haruhi in line.

That's probably a weak argument, but I stick with it. I can take a small amount of pride in the fact that after all I've been through, I've gotten by with the smallest amount of power useage of anyone in the club. I suppose, when you think about it, with a time-traveler, a data-entity, an esper, and a girl who can reshape reality to her whim, I am remarkable in being unremarkable. Maybe that's it.

There are times that I miss that awareness, the tingling in the back of my head to alert me of data manipulation and espers. Probably, this is just foolish; I could have it restored any time I asked Yuki-chan to have it back. In truth, I think she may have been dissapointed that I asked her to take it away.

But now that I think of it, flipping through the book in the club room, half remembering most of the stories from long-ago sleepovers, this is just another way of evading the question. Ultimately, I am begining to realize that I'm afraid.

I meant what I told Haruhi on the train. I'm not afraid of violence or conspiracies, or really, even psychotic killers pursuing me.

I know what I should do, but not how to do it, and I'm afraid of the consequences of failing. How craven that makes me.

"What's with that look?" Haruhi asks, peering into my face. "Is that story especially good?"

"No," I say, glancing at the title. "It's just the story of Okiku. I think we mentioned it yesterday."

"An omen!" Haruhi says victoriously, clenching one fist before her and posing dramatically. "You mentioned it yesterday, after that once-in-a-lifetime royal flush! Maybe we _can_ organize a trip to Himeji castle!"

That's a bit abrupt, isn't it? The supposed 'lucky' hand and that ghost story were nearly an hour apart. Only Haruhi would assume they were connected by fate.

"Okiku?" Mikuru asks, mystified.

"Ah! You don't know the story?" Haruhi protests, staring at her in surprise. "Well, Yuki, you know stories, I'm sure you know a good version of it."

"I also do not know this story," Yuki-chan answers quietly, glancing at her book.

That's a bit surprising. "Geez," Haruhi groans, her victorious pose fading to resignation. "How can you not know one of the most famous ghost stories in Japan? Koizumi?" she fixes the esper with a questioning glance.

"I remember it," he says nodding. "Let's see ... I first heard it from Kaidan Hyakumonogatari, the television show from a few years ago."

"That's a little better," Haruhi allows, sighing. "But I guess Kyon knows it best. Plus he has the book. Kyon, tell the story?"

I see where this is going ... by the time we plan on staying up all night and telling them, we won't have any new stories left. "Before that, does everyone else here know what hyakumonogatari kaidankai is?" I ask.

Mikuru shakes her head, shrinking in on herself slightly at the name alone. Koizumi nods brightly. Nagato gives a single, tiny, almost imperceptable shake of her head.

"Hyakumonogatari kaidankai, 'a gathering of one hundred supernatural tales', was a popular game during the Edo period in Japan," I offer. "Samurai of the day played it as a test of bravery, to see who would get scared and bow out first. Then it worked its way down to the lower classes. So it's said, anyway. No one really knows that part for certain.

"However, printing presses had come into fashion at about the same time, so naturally they combined to publish dozens, perhaps hundreds of volumes of ghost stories for use in hyakumonogatari kaidankai. This allowed the popularity of the game to spread very quickly." I tap a book in the pile that actually includes 'hyakumonogatari' in the title. "First, you light one hundred candles in a room. Then everyone in the room takes turns trading stories -- kaidan -- about ghosts, and when each story is completed, another candle is blown out, until with the final story, the room is dark, and a ghost is summoned."

"I didn't know that part," Haruhi says, looking mildly surpised. "About the samurai and the printing presses, I mean."

Ech ... to know more about strange things than this strange girl. Though, I suppose it's not the first time, in retrospect. "I used to watch a lot of specials on the paranormal," I say by way of explanation. "Anway, the story of Okiku is considered to be one of the most well known.

"She was a servant in Himeji castle, and the stories differ about the how and the why ... but at some point it came to pass that she was blamed for the loss or destruction of one of the lord's ten heirloom plates. The lord demanded she confess to a crime she did not commit, or otherwise compromise her virtue for the lord's mercy.

"When she refused, and stubbornly kept counting the plates trying to find the missing one rather than betray her true love, she was drowned in the well. According to popular legend, at the witching hour -- between two and three in the morning -- her voice drifts up from the well, counting the plates, but always stopping at nine with an anguished wail."

Mikuru looks positively chilled. Yuki-chan seems unpreturbed. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that people who have only been here for three, nearly four years have missed something most of us learn as children. "That's right, that's right," Haruhi says with a nod. "I'm impressed, Kyon! I never took you for a ghost story expert!"

I know two things, Haruhi ... that hardly seems like a mark of mastery. Aside from which, almost everything I relayed was condensed from an easily accessible television program from my own childhood. Older than the one Koizumi spoke of; I don't think I watched that one.

After sipping my tea I say, "Like you said, it's probably the most popular ghost story in Japan. I don't think of it as anything special."

Haruhi looks at me strangely, then shrugs and walks around the table to her seat at the desk. "Anyway," she says, "pick some books and start reading. When we play, I want us to be able to reach one hundred different stories easily!"

"O...okay," Mikuru says hesitantly, searching through the books and picking out a volume of ghost stories for children, one with a very cute cover. Yuki-chan begins turning the pages in the first book she picked up, and with a bemused smile, Koizumi picks out a book of his own.

Privately, I wonder how long this will entertain Haruhi. I'm concerned she will get bored of it long before its time to summon any ghosts.

XXX

"Kyon," Koizumi asks, when he and I leave the room to allow Mikuru to change, "did you get my text from last night?"

Oh, right, I had forgotten to check that. "I didn't read it," I answer, walking down the hallway, and out of earshot of the clubroom door. "Sorry, I was helping my sister with her project."

"Mm. I just wanted to ask if you knew what you were doing. My feelings haven't changed, of course, I still trust your plan, whatever it is," he explains. "But, it would be nice to know what that plan is."

Of all the people to possibly discuss it with.... No, I'd rather talk about this with Kunikida. But that's not a serious option, or likely to become one. "I'm still working on the fine details," I tell him. "It's something I would rather not get wrong."

"That's certainly understandable," Koizumi agrees. "If it's not too untoward, I am willing to offer whatever assistance I can get for you from the Agency."

I eye him sidelong. "Meaning?" I ask.

"Well, it seems to me that you might need help making things extraordinary enough to satisfy Haruhi," he explains. "While it may be ultimately mundane, I can probably help you with at least, say, cab fare ... perhaps flowers or nice dinners at a discount."

I stop walking, as at this point we've reached the covered walkway between the clubhouse and the proper school building. "I appreciate that, Koizumi, but I think you're right; for Haruhi, those things likely would be too mundane." Also, I would feel incredibly lame doing such a thing. The ultimate in cheapskates. To say nothing of how little I like the idea of being in the Agency's debt.

Koizumi chuckles, nodding his head. "You're right, you're right." It's not me, Koizumi, you said it first. "Ah, well, it's probably even less, since your insight is better than whatever I could learn, but I will ask for advice from ... friends within, if you like."

Second-hand advice from a member of the Agency -- meaning a girl who is an esper, most likely -- on how to speak to a figure they revere as a god? Probably bad advice, in all honesty. I'm sure Haruhi wouldn't mind being worshipped, for a while, but I think she'd probably get bored of it. She demands unreasonable loyalty anyway; giving it to her unbidden ... well, that's what Koizumi already does.

"Thank you, Koizumi," I say, as Haruhi steps out of the classroom, seeming surprised to see us. "I appreciate that."

"What's this, then?" she asks, seeming for once unsuspicious, and just genuinely curious.

"Ah," Koizumi says with that same chuckle, "I was just warning Kyon that work might arise unexpectedly, and that I might not be able to make it to our ghost-story game. But if that happens, I will be sure to give him a good list of stories to take my place."

"Of course," I agree, nodding, though internally, I'm sighing and shaking my head. Shouldn't news like that be given directly to your brigade chief, Koizumi? Then again, I'm the one who stopped here to talk, within visual range of the clubroom door.

"Well, if you have work, it can't be helped," Haruhi says with a shrug, frowning only slightly. I don't get the sense that she's terribly upset about it -- not nearly as upset as she was when I wanted to help my little sister with her school project. "And Kyon's our ghost story expert, so I'm sure he'll fill in for you perfectly!"

Bah. Ghost story expert. Nearly a year in this club, and only now am I recognized as anything other than an obstacle and low-ranking grunt? But I shouldn't complain.

"Just so," Koizumi agrees. "I should be going to work, though."

Hmm. Closed space? I smell an excuse; Haruhi doesn't seem nearly upset enough to warrant that. And on the same subject, Mikuru and Yuki-chan are still in the clubroom, neither of them heading home?

Fine, I can take a hint. "Well, I suppose as the ghost story expert, we may as well discuss the plan on the walk to the train station?" I ask Haruhi.

She looks hesitant for a moment, then nods. "Can't be helped," she says with a shrug. "See you tomorrow, Koizumi."

"Take care, Suzumiya-san," he says, offering a tiny wave as he heads down the hallway.

We walk to the shoe lockers and change, then leave the school together, a companionable distance apart, other students nearby, but not drawing close. I catch a glimpse of Kunikida nearby, and he looks away from some student who is obviously badgering him about something -- it doesn't take a genius to guess what -- and gives me a weak smile and a nod of solidarity.

I solemly nod back, but Haruhi catches the glance. "What's that about?" she asks.

Figures. No ghost story discussion whatsoever. "Ah, it's not something you want to talk about," I answer.

"I think I would decide that," she says, narrowing her eyes. "What is it, then?"

"It's about Taniguchi," I answer, looking ahead, down the hill.

Haruhi falls silent almost instantly, drawing slightly into herself. "Oh," she says quietly.

We're almost to the train station when she finally breaks the silence and asks, "Hey, Kyon?"

"What?"

"C...can we go somewhere? And talk about that?"

I stare at her in stupification. We've been tiptoeing around this for a while; it's a delicate situation, in my mind. After Haruhi was released from the hospital, it simply wasn't a discussed topic. Kunikida and my 'economic discussions' were a symptom that followed that chosen silence. Her face colors slightly, and her hopeful, vulnerable expression hardens, shifting to annoyance.

Before she can snap at me, I say, "Of course, Haruhi. I'm just surprised that you think you'd need to ask if it was okay to talk about."

That soothes her, and she relaxes, somewhat. "Good. Um, because this is unexpected, it'll be my treat."

Treat? When did this turn into.... But, no matter. "Where would you like to go?"

She struggles for a moment, seeming torn between answers before she meets my eyes, and says, with a small amount of resignation that I can just pick up, "I know a nearby cafe."

However, I know Haruhi, and I can read between the lines, at least somewhat. I know her feelings on cafes, and what they signify when a boy and a girl attend alone. "That's a possibility," I allow. I think of the park where I met with Yuki-chan, when she first revealed the truth of her nature to me. At that same park, in a universe since destroyed, I had a conversation with Koizumi about a different, and worse group of espers that wanted to kill Haruhi. "But why not go for a walk in the park near my house? If it's not too much trouble, it's closer to where we both live, and I could help my sister finish her project when we're done."

In retrospect, this was not a brilliant answer. If anything, it gave the impression I was indifferent to what this discussion represented. "Figures," Haruhi says, her expression decidedly neutral. "I offer to treat and you become a cheapskate. Do you think I'm poor?"

"Not at all," I reply quickly, as we get our train tickets. "But I cannot help to think of cafes as cliche locations for candid discussions. In fact, they only offer the illusion of privacy; in reality we would be surrounded by classmates who would eavesdrop on our every word, even if they did not mean to. Walking in the park should give a greater degree of space around us for this conversation, don't you think?" That sounds reasonable.

"Hehehe.... Like a spy novel," Haruhi says with a giggle, as we board the train. "A cafe or a restaraunt, or even a bar are chosen as meeting places, but the discussion always takes place somewhere secluded, like a lakeside, or a balcony."

Unintentionally, I appear to have chosen something that appeals to her. I'm not honestly sure how accurate her summation is, but I'm willing to go along with it; I will consider this a success.

XXX

Haruhi treats me to a vending machine drink, and we find an empty park bench to sit on. I set my schoolbag on the bench next to me, on the side away from her. She sets hers on the ground by her feet.

"I.... I wanted to thank you," she finally says.

"There is no need to thank me," I say, though in truth, I am glad to be thanked. Who wouldn't be? Still, she doesn't know half of what I truly endured for her. Or she does, and thinks it's just a coma-induced dream that we've never discussed.

She blushes slightly, taking on that defeated, somehow endearingly vulnerable look she so rarely shows. "I ... do occasionally rush into things. But it's only gone badly for me once. And when it did, well...."

"It goes badly more often than that," I counter. "You've only been badly hurt once."

Her blush fades and she grimaces. "I suppose," she allows, opening her drink.

Maybe that was tactless. "Ah, that was too harsh," I quickly say.

"No, you're right," she says, sighing. "I have to admit.... I always wanted something strange, something outlandish and amazing to happen to me.

"And with Taniguchi, it kind of did. I mean, someone ... tried to...." She shivers. "It's embarassing to be so easily be read by that type of person. Me, the great Suzumiya Haruhi, taken in by the kind of ploy that Ky--" She coughs, looking away. "W...well, you warned me about that kind of thing, and I should have listened.

"But I can't let that fear of things make me into a coward! And the thing that happened then ... it wasn't the kind of different or exciting that I wanted at all. It just reminded me that I was easily suckered into things, like a, like.... Like a dumb little kid! S...so, when you tell me I shouldn't do something now, I stop and listen. But I'm afraid of giving up on what could be a real lead to something unique!"

It's quiet for a while, the soft whispering of wind through the trees around us, distant sounds of traffic and children playing carrying to us. She stares at the ground between her feet, and I watch her hands clenching and unclenching the edge of her skirt anxiously.

"I think I understand," I say after a long moment of consideration. "I don't want you to give up your dreams." It would be very, very convenient to me if she did, but Koizumi would probably have to fight closed space constantly. "And that's not the kind of unique thing that anyone would enjoy. I certainly didn't like it."

"It wasn't even that unique," she said with a sigh. "The police came to talk to me ... like they talked to you, and everyone else, I guess. But I was unconscious then, so it happened after they finished talking to you. What happened to me wasn't that special at all. The detectives were nice, polite ... falsely sympathetic. But they had the bored expressions that they'd done this before. They had proceedures and guide books telling them how to handle the situation exactly.

"So I endured something terrible, felt like a fool, was taken in ... and I was just another...." She trails off, and I see unshed tears in her eyes.

I will admit. I didn't really think about it very much from the perspective of Haruhi, outside of telling Kunikida that it wouldn't distract her long. But from the perspective of someone who actively sought excitement and adventure.... It wasn't a good adventure, and it was the worst kind of excitement.

That aside, I should be the hero of the story -- I rescued Haruhi.

Too late, though. I saved her from death, but not assault. As she remembers it, and thus, it is supposed to be, at any rate. I don't feel much like a hero for what I'm supposed to have done. And even if I look at what I actually did ... I destroyed a girl that shared a name and appearance with Yuki, overwrote her with a backup copy of the real Yuki. I destroyed an entire world full of people by manipulating Haruhi.

Perhaps I villainize myself unneccesarily.

Taniguchi should be the real villain; he destroyed _this_ world so that Haruhi would make the new one. But I cannot paint the world in such black and white views so comfortably.

All of this is ignoring the fact that Haruhi is trembling, on the verge of tears over this admission. And how much work is this for Koizumi, by the way? Probably much too much. I have a handkerchief, so I hand it to her. "No one should want that kind of adventure," I finally say aloud.

"But life is so dull!" she complains, dabbing at her eyes and turning her face away. "Nothing good ever happens!"

I like that more than 'nothing interesting ever happens'. I think for a moment, for some reason remembering the speech I gave Haruhi at the begining of the year. "Consider this," I say, finally.

She turns to look at me cautiously, as though afraid of what I might say. Ah, Haruhi.... You tug at my heartstrings when you're not overflowing with confidence.

"I told you once that those who weren't satisfied with the world took it into their own hands to change the way things worked. The creation of flight, of automobiles, if you think about it, written language, all of those leaps in technology to help humanity."

"I remember that," she says dourly. "You said that we should just be happy being 'mere mortals'."

I laugh in embarassment; I didn't think she'd recall the specifics so well. "Well, I was wrong," I say with a shrug. "What can I say? You showed your genius by making the SOS Brigade despite my misgivings."

"You think so?" she asks, looking surprised and hopeful.

"Naturally," I say, nodding. "I suppose ... in all honesty, when you told the class about your desire to meet espers, time travelers, dimensional sliders, and aliens ... I was jealous."

Her eyes widen. "J...jealous?!" she sputters. "What?"

"I had given up so long ago," I say, shaking my head. "But you didn't. You refused to believe the world was as boring as it appeared. I didn't realize what it was right away, of course. But as time passed, I came to learn that it _was_ jealousy. For a long time I thought it was just amazement that someone would say such things. The truth is, I wanted to believe in all those things, too."

"You mean, you don't?" she asks, narrowing her eyes.

"I was undecided for a long time," I allow. "Like I say; I wanted to believe. I wasn't certain that I could, but you showed me that believing is worth it on its own."

She stares at me for a moment, then looks away, shaking her head. "That's kind of you to say. But ... we've never found _anything_," she says with a sigh. "Other than Taniguchi. Is it wrong that I'm not satisfied with finding only that?"

"Not at all," I agree. "But I am digressing. What I meant to say, Haruhi, is that our world is painfully normal on the surface. But maybe there's a reason for that."

She looks up again in surprise, tilting her head to one side. "How do you mean?"

"Maybe the world is the way it is because if, say, espers were real, and everyone knew, then they wouldn't be that different from people who are tall. Or people who were double-jointed. Those things are different, but almost every-day."

"I thought about that," Haruhi allows, nodding slightly. I am pleased to see that no traces of her tears remain. "Really ... that's one of the things that keeps me going. I can't believe in this static, boring world. There has to be something out there that's more amazing that what we know! But, obviously ... it's hidden, and I don't know how to find it."

"I don't see it quite like that," I disagree. "I believe in this static, safe world."

She frowns sharply at my choice of words.

I offer an apologetic smile. "But you make me believe, in all honesty, there are things beyond this world we don't know about yet."

She bows her head and stares at her feet. "Hey," she says after a long, quiet minute, while I finish my drink, "have you ever seen or experienced anything really unusual? I mean, something supernatural, that couldn't be explained? Something you've kept back from me all this time?"

And here is where things get tricky. I could tell her about any number of things. Now, at _this_ point ... she might even believe me. I think for a long minute, and finally say, "I don't know if you'll believe me."

"What?" she protests, turning to stare at me. "I'll hear you out, at the very least!"

"Remember the computer club's challenge?"

"Yeah," she says, nodding. Her expression looks troubled, like she doesn't particularly enjoy the memory. Even though we won.

"I said then if I could have even a small percentage of your optimism and energy, we would win easily."

"Right!" she says, brightening instantly. "And I tried to beam my good will into you! Did it work?"

"Well, maybe it's not that unusual," I say quietly. "But, we did win. And I had no confidence before you did that." I didn't have much confidence after, either. But an increase from zero to anything is a rise of infinite percent.

She stares at me for a long minute, expression unreadable. Then she looks away and mutters, "Jerk."

That's uncalled for! I was trying to be nice. While also not destroying the world. A little consideration, please?

"Y...you're just trying to pick up on me with that," she adds.

I sigh, leaning back into the bench. "Is that what you really think?" I ask, which causes her to flinch, turning to look at me with suspicion.

"Well," she says, dropping her gaze to the ground. "You do look out for me. And ... and I can't be so stupid as not to be grateful that you've saved me. Three- Uh, twice, I mean."

"When we fell on the island?" I ask.

"Yes," she says quietly. "And Taniguchi."

I nod, but don't say anything.

"A...anyway, I am grateful. So, I'm sorry, and thank you for protecting me, Kyon."

"Haruhi," I say softly. When she glances at me out of the corner of one eye, I add, "I wasn't just saying anything because I thought you'd want to hear it. Maybe you think it's silly, but I do believe in you."

Her face flushes -- I've never seen her blush so darkly. "Thank you, Kyon," she mumbles. "Um. S...so. Ghost stories? Do you think we'll find a real ghost?"

Yes, absolutely. I just hope it's a relatively harmless ghost. "It's possible! But at this point, I couldn't really know."

She nods, her blush fading as she rises to her feet. I stand as well. She makes a false start, as though she were going to reach towards me, but somehow thought better of it. Turning her head slightly away, she says, "Well, we'll see. Thank you again, Kyon. I ... should get back home. And I'm sure your little sister is waiting for your help."

Bah, an ugly truth. I nod solemly. She picks up her bag, absently pocketing my handkerchief. Or maybe it's intentional. I decide not to comment either way. "I'll see you tomorrow," I tell her. "Take care of yourself, Haruhi."

She smiles up at me and nods. "Of course. And if I don't, well, that's what you're for!"

Haha, that's so true it's not even remotely humorous. Not the slightest bit, believe me. It is as terribly unfunny as a thing can be.

I smile anyway.

"Of course," I agree, as she turns around, glancing over her shoulder once as she walks away.

I wait by the park bench for a minute reflecting on what happened. But no profound insights occur, and Haruhi was right; my sister will be waiting for me, quite anxiously at this point.

XXX

I don't make it home before Koizumi calls me. I prefer texting, because then I can ignore him more easily. Which is likely the reason he called directly.

It occurs to me then that either his esper powers let him know when Haruhi isn't near me, or a member of his Agency was watching us.

A creepy thought, though Haruhi would be delighted to discover it. I answer before he is sentenced to the voice-mail box of infinitely defered response. I greet Koizumi formally, giving him my name and asking who's calling.

"Hello, Kyon," Koizumi says. So much for respect from that front. "It's Koizumi. Are you free?"

I'm walking my bike with one hand to hold the phone, so I answer, "Close enough. What's going on?"

"I just thought you'd be interested to know ... something unusual happened today."

"Is it bad?"

"For once, no, not at all. Just unusual."

"Well, spit it out, then," I say, shooting a dark look at the phone, wishing I could will Koizumi to be aware of it.

"We saw closed space form several times today. And all but one instance of closed space suddenly collapsed on themselves before we could even do anything about it."

"That sounds pretty good to me," I point out.

"Good in the sense of a natural disaster turning away from civilization, but equally disconcerting."

He makes a strong argument, I admit. "Well, I hope I didn't make too much trouble for you." Secretly, I am suddenly wishing that Koizumi had a totally safe, but very tedious problem to deal with in closed space. Perhaps a giant stain that needed to be esper-mopped up.

Actually, that's both silly and petty. It's hard for me to genuinely wish ill on the esper.

"You didn't, not at all," he says, and I can hear that fake smile through the phone. "But all the same, I thought you might want to know."

I shouldn't complain; it is very convenient to get some sort of feedback without needing to ask Haruhi. It's also somewhat humiliating to have one of my two male friends able to glance at his workload and understand immediately and directly how well I'm doing. "Thank you, Koizumi," I say, after mulling this over. "Please let me know if things take a turn for the worse."

"Of course. I will do so immediately," he replies. "Well, take care, Kyon."

"Likewise," I say, trying to dismiss my annoyance.

The call ends, and then I trudge to my house without further event.

XXX

After I help my little sister -- and the project is finally complete -- I spend long hours laying awake, staring at the ceiling. One aspect of this whole affair has been carefully ignored because.... Well, I suppose you may call me a coward for this.

In the lines of thought concerning self-sacrifice, is the unignorable fact that despite my own feelings on the subject, for the sake of the world, I must sacrifice my own desires for Haruhi's. I think would have been very happy to date Mikuru. But in that other world, when I really was dating her, I didn't take advantage of the opportunity.

The reason for this is simple: Haruhi doesn't like it. In that world, she was wishing for my happiness at the expense of her own. But her internal displeasure was causing untold problems in the psychic realm, and the espers of that world were all but driven mad by it. I can think of no other way to call their behavior when it was revealed to me that they wanted Haruhi killed the moment she was stabilized enough to make it safe to do so.

All the same, I am a highschool student, and more than that, I am a young man. I have healthy (perhaps too healthy) desires of my own. I would have liked to have gone on some real dates in junior high school before settling down with one girl, even Haruhi, for what will likely be the rest of my life. More than that is the fear I never voice that I have no real choice in the matter.

Make Haruhi happy, or the world is destroyed. Perhaps she will go with her original subconscious plan, and take only me along with her, into a world where only she and I remember the original. In this world, everyone else will be so alien that I won't even, really, have an illusion of choice. It will be her or alienation forever.

This isn't fair, not by a long shot. Don't misunderstand me. At this point, I can admit that I am interested in Haruhi. I don't think I would have bothered trying to endure her this long if I weren't. But I don't truly know if I'm happy about this, or just doing what I think is best for the world.

That aside, I also realize that without Haruhi, there would have been no Mikuru or Yuki-chan to have met.

In a sense, despite what I consider my rather excellent monologue on being the most normal person in the club (and the most unique, for being so normal), I admit that I am the hero of this story. Perhaps I am looking at things through the lense of Kunikida's own melancholy retrospect. And I don't mean to merely harp on Haruhi's illusions that I rescued her from Taniguchi. I think it's been established that I don't feel any pride for that whatsoever.

I mean in the sense that I am sacrificing a thousand possible futures I could have enjoyed for a life with Haruhi, for better or for worse. I may be getting ahead of myself, though. I don't know that I can truly pull it off, but the bigger issue is that I can't be confident enough to try.

But who can I talk to about this? This kind of frank discussion is suitable for Koizumi, but he is biased, and I don't enjoy talking about it with him at all. Mostly due to a suspicion on my part that he's jealous, or just thinks that it would be better if the one Haruhi had 'chosen' were a member of the Agency.

Mikuru would probably be reasonable, but the vast majority of her insight would be, "Classified information." To say nothing of the fact that, at least in the other world, Mikuru admitted she liked me, so I would feel quite cruel to question her.

Kunikida might be helpful, if I could phrase things to leave all the supernatural aspects out of it. But that would make it impossible to explain why I feel I didn't have a choice without making some awkward story, probably one just as unlikely as the truth.

I feel bad about it, but ultimately the only person I can think about to ask for help on this issue is Yuki-chan. And I don't know for certain that she's interested in me -- that she's capable of truly being interested in that way. But I know she enjoys spending time with me, and worries about me enough to want to defend me from possible rogue elements of the data thought entity. Would it hurt her feelings?

I must hope that it doesn't. But, resolved to at least adress the issue with Yuki, I finally find sleep.

* * *

Author's notes: Kyon pleasantly surprised me in this chapter. He is more devious than I had suspected initially.


	3. Chapter 2

The Courtship of Suzumiya Haruhi

Chapter two: In which Kyon repeats class 1-5's festival activity.

A 'Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' fanfiction.

Note: This fic is a sequel to The Blunt Force Trauma of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Disclaimer: The novel 'Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu'/'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. I do not know the producers yet, but the animation company responsible is Kyoto Animation. No disrespect is intended by the posting of this fanfiction, as I do not own the characters or settings involved. I'm merely dabbling with another set of paints. )

* * *

Kunikida meets up with me on the long trek up the hill. We're both used to it at this point, or at least used to it enough that we can converse en route. "Any luck?" he asks me, sporting a wry grin.

"Some," I admit. "I suppose I must be very transparent to you."

"Not so much," he says, shaking his head. "It just seemed promising, you yesterday with.... Well."

"I feel like we're star members of a conspiracy, sometimes. Sorry about that student who was questioning you yesterday."

"It's nothing new," he says, waving a hand dismissively. Another student approaches behind us, and Kunikida immediately launches into a half-familiar ramble involving the transfer of goods from China to Japan. I nod agreeably, and shoot the student a stern, warning glance. He backs away, nervously cowed.

"I know exactly what you mean," I tell him with a shake of my head. "All too often." I note that all these annoying students are guys, but that probably means nothing.

"Say," Kunikida says quietly, his economic diatribe forgotten, "do people try and bother Suzumiya like they do us? You would think...." He trails off with an apologetic shrug.

"Somehow," I say, frowning, "I've become her spokesperson. Honestly, I'm surprised no brave students have tried it themselves. But, why not take a small blessing when it arrives?"

"Aha, too true," he agrees with a smirk. "Well, on to less depressing subjects?"

"Please," I say with a weary nod. I wish I could think of one of these less depressing subjects to speak of myself.

Kunikida looks thoughtful for a long moment, staring into space, though familiarity with the hill keeps his footing sure. "Hmm, well, there's a new arcade game at the mall near the school train station," he finally says.

That's welcomingly bland. "Is it a fighter? Or a racing game?" I ask.

"It's a samurai game," he answers with a shake of his head. "They give you a foam sword, and the game has sensors to follow when you swing. You fight all sorts of undead creatures, zombies and stuff."

That actually sounds a little bit interesting. Probably only briefly, as a novelty, but it's still a pleasant change of topic. "Maybe we should try it sometime?"

"Ehe...." He grins and scratches the back of his neck; he's a natural for that expression and pose. "I already did. It's alright. I'm not sure if it's worth as many yen as it'd take to finish it, but it's worth trying out."

I nod, realizing that in a roundabout way, Kunikida is trying to suggest that Haruhi might find it an interesting distraction herself. I wonder if, after the drama of Taniguchi, Kunikida's become more insightful. Stupid comment, I suppose. The sudden change of that event ... who wouldn't be affected by it, being so close to Taniguchi and never seeing it coming?

"I think I might check it out, then. Thank you, Kunikida," I tell him. In reality ... thank you very much, for helping me try to keep Haruhi entertained, even if you don't understand the true reason why.

xxx

Somehow, against odds and fate, I make it into class before Haruhi. I take advantage of the brief lull to write a message on a scrap of notebook paper asking Yuki-chan if she would meet with me tonight to discuss things. I can try and slip it to her during the club meeting, and if no chance arises ... I could try the shoe locker trick.

Though, really, it brings another unpleasant memory to mind when I consider that. Then I hide the note in my pocket as Haruhi enters. I can't miss the way her eyes go to my desk first, and a tiny bit of tension vanishes from her eyes. For once, she doesn't run off during the between-period breaks, and I'm grateful that I got the chance to prepare the note in advance.

When lunch rolls around, Kunikida looks at me pointedly. Haruhi seems conflicted, staring at her desk, half turned, as though she was going to get up, but nervous and uncertain if she wants to complete the motion. "Why don't we eat in the club room?" I ask her, when the same over-eager student from that morning pokes his head into the classroom.

Adjusting his necktie, Kunikida locks gazes with the unknown student, as though they are about to engage in a psychic battle to the ultimate destruction. My friend, your nobility will not go unsung, I promise you that. Your sacrifice will not be in vain!

Haruhi relaxes instantly, shrugging with that same, 'can't be helped,' expression. "Fine, fine," she says with a false-sounding note of irritation. "If you insist."

I won't, but I don't need to, now do I? We enjoy a companionable silence, the unknown student watching us go with surprise before nervously turning to face an expectant and stoically silent Kunikida. Once we get to the club room, I see that Yuki-chan is already there. Haruhi frowns slightly, but then takes a seat at the table across from me, not her chair behind the computer.

"Are you reading a story about ghosts?" Haruhi asks, glancing at the book in Yuki-chan's hands.

"Somewhat," Yuki-chan's soft voice replies, her eyes still fixed to the pages. I glance at the title, 'Bridge of Birds'. "The protagonists of this story have dealings with several ghosts."

"Well ... good. Another ghost story expert in the making," Haruhi decides, unpacking her bento. Strangely, I don't remember Haruhi bringing lunches to school very often. She almost always goes to the cafeteria, while I never do.

Some of the books from yesterday are still on the table, so I prop open one of the larger, heavier volumes of short stories. Haruhi glances at it, while I unwrap my bento. "How soon do you think we could organize a gathering to try the ghost story thing?" she asks.

"We could cheat," I offer. I really wish I'd thought of that sooner, but all the same, I hadn't learned any new ghost stories yet anyway. "Just bring a stack of books and read the stories straight out of them without learning any of them." I take a bite of my bento and grimace. I forgot; my mother is starting to teach my little sister the ways of the kitchen. I am, of course, the guinea pig.

"What's wrong?" Haruhi asks, ignoring my suggestion.

"Little sister's learning how to cook," I say sadly.

I push the rubbery, abused, heavily salted prawns around. The tempura batter is thick, almost raw in some places, while burnt in others. How did she even manage that?

Haruhi raises an eyebrow as she glances at the disaster area that is my lunchbox.

"Mom made the rice, so I won't starve. Ech, these vegetables weren't even completely steamed.... Anyway, what do you think about cheating on the ghost stories? Then it won't matter who learns what. If we get into a second, or third book, and there's a repeat story, we can spot it and skip to the next."

She looks thoughtful for a long minute. Yuki-chan closes her book and brings her chair to the table next to Haruhi, unwrapping her own lunch and eating it with mechanical motions at lightning speed. Only sparing the smaller girl a glance, Haruhi says, "That could work.... How about your place? On Saturday?"

Well, if I put it off too long, Haruhi will become bored. "Hmm," I mumble, considering. "If it works," and it will, "I would like to avoid alarming my little sister."

"My place may be adequate," Yuki-chan says quietly, between bites.

After a few bites from her own bento, Haruhi asks, "You're sure you don't mind?"

Yuki-chan immediately answers, "No," and then finishes off her lunch.

"Well, that should be perfect! Okay, then. Your place on Saturday night. People should show up...." She trails off, looking thoughtful. "We should all get there around six in the evening. Everyone will need to make sure they get enough sleep, too, I want to try and get to the hundredth ghost story between two and three in the morning, for maximum effect!"

Yuki-chan nods slightly, but otherwise her attention is focused completely on her book again. I'm unable to avoid smiling. For once, Haruhi is encouraging adequate rest.

xxx

In many ways, lunch with Haruhi was reserved, almost idyllic. It was a refreshing change from her high-powered antics, but I admit, just the tiniest bit unsettling to see her so calm. A trend that I've been trying not to make observations of since Taniguchi, of course. But enough self deception.

At any rate, even though it was relatively pleasant, there were no chances to slip Yuki-chan the note, so I have to settle for the undesired shoe locker method. My primary concern is actually that I will be seen ... and word of it will get back to Haruhi. After the club meeting, as I close the locker door bearing the name 'Nagato', satisfied in my stealth mission, I turn to see a familiar face.

Kunikida stares at me with a raised eyebrow. "Really?" he asks, his expression largely unreadable.

Caught! Damnation. Well.... The truth, or at least some of it, will get me out of this. "It's not all that it seems," I say with a shake of my head. "Ah.... Hmm."

He smirks and changes shoes; more students fill the area, and we say nothing until we're headed down the slope of the hill. "So?" he asks, his expression somewhat bemused now.

"In all honesty, this business with Haruhi right now extends far beyond my reasonable knowledge," I explain. "So, I am asking for assistance. Obviously, I don't want to appear to be the kind of guy who can't do anything on his own."

Kunikida snickers. "Even if you are that kind of guy?" he jibes. "Asking one strange girl for advice on another.... Well, that's not the worst idea in the history of ideas."

Thank you for your candid endorsement. "Don't misunderstand."

"Right, right," he says, still smiling. "In reality, this is none of my business. I have no right to know, just some curiosity, and a vested interest because.... Well."

Vested interest? When did this happen?

Shifting gears, Kunikida tries, "If I might ask, how was your lunch?"

"Better than expected. Not as good as hoped." A woefully generic reply, but the truth, considering my current indecision. "Yours?"

"Our antics have backfired," he says, shrugging with a helpless, hands out gesture. "I've been invited to become a member of the Economic Studies Club."

I blink at that. "Really?"

"Yes. It's not so bad. They genuinely are interested in discussing the economy, as dull as that might seem. Embarrassingly enough, we seem to have stumbled across what they consider to be strong insights." He shrugs again.

"How tedious." I wish I could be happy for you, but this hardly sounds like cause for celebration.

"It's not all bad," he says with a wry smirk and a shake of his head. "There seemed to be an unspoken agreement that certain topics outside of the economy are not open for discussion. And...."

"At least there's that. But what of this mysterious trailing 'and'? I somehow expect this ties in with your earlier 'vested interest'."

"Ehe, I was hoping for some of your luck to rub off on me, maybe," he allows. "Eimi-chan is already in this club. I hadn't known. But I suppose if you're asking Nagato-san for advice, you don't know as much as I hoped."

A brutal, pointed insight. "It's not for lack of trying," I say, somewhat irritably. And anyway, who is this 'Eimi-chan'? Then I remember that we are brothers-in-arms, and add, "Though, to be honest, any luck I have is unlikely to translate well to your case."

"Zing!" he announces. "Well played, Kyon. Very true. Well, I don't know what will happen, but I think I'll give the club a try. With you finding, erm.... Well, anyway, you're busy a lot lately, so I should keep myself occupied as well. This whole ... thing ... it's enough to drive someone to hide from the outside world."

"Don't turn hikikomori on me," I warn him, raising a fist in mock threat.

He laughs, shaking his head and spreading his hands in a placating gesture. "No chance of that," he assures me. "If you and Suzumiya have the strength to soldier on, then it's the least I can do to follow suit. Ah, well, another day of the hill defeated. See you tomorrow, Kyon."

"Take care," I return, nodding at him.

It's somewhat embarrassing to admit, but I realize that lately, Kunikida has been a better friend than I gave him credit for. Too bad there's so much I can't talk to him about.

Well, hopefully Yuki-chan can help shed some light on the subject.

xxx

Yuki-chan meets me at the same park bench where she waited for me, once. She's more prompt than I was, and I rise as she approaches, nodding at her. Her inscrutable gaze studies me for a long, unblinking moment, then she gives that tiny nod she uses and turns around, heading towards her apartment building. I fall into step behind her wordlessly.

We remain in silence until we reach her apartment, and she prepares some tea. After pouring me a cup -- I carefully don't finish it right away -- she asks, "What did you need to discuss?"

To the point. "Um.... How should I ask this? It's an awkward question. I'm in a difficult situation, but it might be one you have some sympathy and understanding for," I say slowly.

"Hyakumonogatari kaidankai?" Yuki-chan asks in a whisper-soft voice.

"Eh, we could discuss that later," I say, looking around the totally empty apartment. "This is embarrassing, and it might come across as insensitive. If so, please forgive me, and if I trouble you, say one word and I will be silent."

Yuki-chan blinks at me. After a moment, she says, "Words are still a weak transmission vector for critical data. It is unlikely any data you have access to could harm me."

Ah. Spoken like Yuki-chan. I try not to cringe. "Um. Yuki-chan ... you've determined what I'm up to?"

"Becoming a more stabilizing factor for Suzumiya Haruhi," she answers, without hesitation. "Setting conditions and circumstances in motion so that you and Suzumiya Haruhi would be paired entities."

"Yes," I say hesitantly, frowning. "Something like that. I feel it's the right thing to do. That it would be better for us all."

"Harmonious," she judges after a moment, blinking.

So cold? "But ... I'm concerned that I've lost my free will in the matter."

Yuki-chan blinks several times at this, cocking her head slightly to one side, as though it had never occurred to her. "I observe sympathy within our situations," she murmurs.

"You may have the right of it," I say with a shrug, sipping at my now cooled tea. Yuki-chan freshens it for me wordlessly. "Maybe it's stupid. I shouldn't be so selfish in the face of ... is it arrogant to consider it my responsibility?"

"You were chosen by Suzumiya Haruhi," Yuki-chan answers, her expression shifting back into her blank unreadability.

"Ah.... Well. I'm conflicted. I know what I feel I must do. But I'm afraid ... I'm giving up on myself for it. That I'm surrendering myself to Haruhi, I guess. Maybe that's not it...."

"You do not wish to be a subset of Suzumiya Haruhi?"

Not when you word it like that! "Well ... as things stand right now, isn't that somewhat the case anyway?"

She gives that tiny nod she uses. "I may understand."

The silence drags on.

"Do you have any advice?" I finally ask her, when ten minutes and two more cups of tea have passed.

She blinks at me, hints of genuine surprise visible on her face before she looks away. "Your own course with Suzumiya Haruhi seems adequate. The data thought entity expects that without outside interference, you will most likely achieve your goals."

"That's not it," I protest, grimacing. "I meant about the other part. About not truly having a choice in the matter."

"If you were to reverse your present route," Yuki-chan says after what seems like a long moment of thought, "it is likely that Suzumiya Haruhi would destabilize. The Taniguchi event has made you a significantly more critical element of her emotional and mental well-being."

"So ... I don't have a real choice. And I _do_ have to do the right thing by ... uh, following my present course."

Nagato ducks her head slightly, lips pursed thoughtfully. I don't think I've seen her so expressive in a very long while.

I catch myself quickly, and add, "If this is difficult, we don't need to discuss-"

"No," she says quietly. "I am uncertain about assisting you directly in this situation. As you have observed, I lack many common social elements." She blinks once, and adds, "As does Suzumiya Haruhi herself."

Yuki-chan? Uncertain about _anything_? That's unsettling. Then again, this is the topic of Haruhi and relationships, so I can't really fault her.

She spends some time contemplating, her eyes fixing on some far-away point, before she says, "You have the power to make your own choices. I am instructed to inform you that differing schools within the...." She frowns, the statement incomplete before she starts over. "Differing factions within are concerned that your stabilizing effect on Suzumiya Haruhi may prevent future creation of new data."

"What would the data thought entity want me to do?" I wonder.

Her eyes focus on me again. "Irrelevant."

I blink at that. "What?"

Yuki-chan's eyebrows draw the tiniest bit closer together and she says, "You are not subject to the demands of the integrated data thought entity."

I stare into my teacup, frowning. "I guess that was a stupid question, if I'm complaining about not having a choice," I admit. With a sigh, I add, "If this isn't a stupid question, too, what happens if I don't do anything? If I just ... wait for Haruhi to get sick of my inaction?"

"Possibilities are divided. The two most significiant futures down that path are Suzumiya Haruhi becoming detached from this world and its populous, and Suzumiya Haruhi's despair prompting drastic data-creation to make a more suitable world."

I ponder that, too. Either the world as we know it is destroyed, or Haruhi stops talking to people entirely and withdraws into herself?

"Putting aside the integrated data thought entity," I finally ask, "what do you think?"

Yuki-chan's expression shifts back into blank neutrality. "I believe in you," she says in her serious dead-pan voice, her eyes locked onto mine. "Whichever route you choose, it is your choice."

I spend more time, just thinking. Yuki-chan continues to stare at me. In that other world, when I thought I was alone, until I was able to 'restore' Yuki-chan from her backup.... In that world, everything else I may say aside, I saw the greatest display of emotion from Yuki-chan I'll probably ever see.

Things were far too tense for me to enjoy it as I would have liked, at the time. "I'm sorry, Yuki-chan," I say abruptly. "I should have been more considerate about this. Thank you for listening to me, anyway."

She shakes her head minutely. "No problem."

I rise, ready to leave but still hesitant. "I don't know what's going to happen next, but ... we're friends. So, if I can do anything to help you, let me know, alright?"

"Yes," she says, rising to her own feet. "I will walk you to the lobby."

While we're in the elevator, alone at this hour, I can't think of anything to ask or say. In retrospect, I didn't get any advice for dealing with Haruhi beyond being told I was doing an adequate job. I suppose I should be satisfied with that.

"Asahina Mikuru may have insight to share as well," Yuki-chan says to me, as I step off the elevator. I turn around and look at her in surprise, but she has that same unreadable expression, before the door slides shut, hiding her from view.

xxx

I am decidedly uneager to begin the trudge up the hill when I get there the next morning. I find myself dazedly staring at the street, my mind blank and refusing to focus. A slap on my shoulder sends me wobbling before I stagger and shake my head, smacking my face with my hands to try and wake myself. "Hey," I begin, turning and falling silent in surprise to see Kunikida.

He stares at me in consternation, then shakes his head. "Sorry, I thought maybe you were waiting. You look terrible, Kyon. Did something happen?" he asks.

Ah, genuine concern. Good old Kunikida. "You don't want to know," I say companionably as we slowly begin the trudge up the hill. In truth, I got almost no sleep, tossing and turning, trying to build plans and then realizing how stupid they would be. Then more time considering what Yuki-chan said and wondering if I could ask Mikuru for help.

It was painful enough to realize that Yuki-chan's feelings might have been hurt, as little as she shows it. For Mikuru, who wears her heart on her sleeve....

"That bad?" he asks sympathetically, seeing my tired and depressed visage.

"No, not that bad," I say, trying to banish my dark mood. "I stayed up too late last night, after missing dinner, too. When breakfast came around, little sister was trying again. Some of it was edible, but not much ... and leftovers of that are all I have to look forward to for lunch. This neglect from my family, it borders on the criminal!"

"Speaking of breakfast," Kunikida says, looking away politely, "you've got a few grains of rice stuck to your face."

Embarrassing. After fumbling for a long minute and not finding it, I give up on my handkerchief. Using only my hands, I brush my face off as best I can. "Got it?"

"Go it," he assures me. "Anyway, I'm sorry to hear that. Hey, I could...." He trails off with a glance over his shoulder, then shakes his head abruptly. "Well," he says slapping me on the back again, "I'm sure you'll be okay."

"Ah, I'm too hard on her," I sigh. "I'm sure in a few days ... or weeks ... she'll have the basics down. I just can't help but think that a few more years would have helped her better."

"Is she even tall enough to reach the top of the stove? Or the cutting board?"

"She needs a stepping stool."

"Haha! Kyon, at the risk of being critical, sometimes your life sounds like a romantic comedy anime."

"I'm not sure that follows, but if you're trying to reduce my life to an anime genre, you're one to talk," I jibe, glancing at him. "How's everything working out for you lately, Great Economist Kunikida?"

"Haha!" he starts to laugh, before a girl I don't recognize approaches timidly, and he cuts off with a choke. "Ah.... Um, Eimi-cha-- Er, ah, I mean, Yamada-san! Good morning."

I rub the sleep from my eyes and study her covertly. Meaning nothing critical to Kunikida, Yamada Eimi is very short ... which means she's somewhat shorter than him. I can kind of see the attraction. She's pretty, in a subtle, somewhat mousy way, a bit smaller than Yuki-chan, and has big, round-lensed glasses, the upper edges of the frames almost completely hidden by her curly, pale bangs. The rest of her hair is in a neat bun, so I'm uncertain as to the length.

To be brutally honest, I would put Yuki-chan, Mikuru, and Haruhi above her. I don't have a grading system, like someone who I'd rather not think of. But that's a matter of personal preference, and I don't have any reason to question Kunikida's judgement. Her voice is soft, but not quiet; I suddenly think she might be a fairly talented singer. "G...good morning, Kunikida-kun," she says, not meeting his eyes, blushing slightly. "You can call me Eimi-chan ... I don't mind that at all."

Right. Enough of that.

I fake a reaction to seeing someone ahead. "Ah, I think I see Asahina-san. Forgive me, Kunikida, I must abandon you here; we have club business to discuss."

He starts to form some sort of protest, so I bow my head in apology briefly before jogging up the hill towards the phantom Mikuru. I catch Yamada asking him, "Kunikida-kun, what did you think about the club meeting yesterday? About the part concerning overseas trade, and the impact of...."

I'm not sure if I should be happy for him, or worried. Well, my silent prayers go to you today, Kunikida. God speed and good journey.

A short distance up the hill, quickly becoming winded due to the combined stresses of exhaustion, hunger, and good old gravity, I actually do spot Mikuru. Waving to her, I manage to call her name, and she turns to greet me with her traditional bright smile. "Good morning, Kyon-kun!" she chirps. "How are you doing today?"

"Quite well," I reply, "but a bit worn out. How about you? Read any good ghost stories?"

Her bright smile fades a little. "Some of these stories are scary," she mumbles.

"I personally think we've been through scarier."

She giggles at that and nods. "You're probably right," she agrees.

xxx

I slink into the classroom and collapse into my desk. It's only after I sit that I glance back and realize that Haruhi isn't there. Kunikida himself only darts in and takes a seat moments before the bell. But no sign of Haruhi.

Usually, after an unintended all-nighter, like the day before the cultural festival, I would try and find some place quiet to sleep. Or just doze through most of my classes. As much as I'd like to, not knowing where Haruhi is keeps me too worried to rest. Unfortunately, as per usual, I'm not really able to focus on the lessons, either.

When break comes, Kunikida approaches and says, "Well ... thanks, Kyon. I guess you've met Eimi-chan, now?"

I nod tiredly, unable to avoid glancing back at Haruhi's empty desk. "Well, I've seen her," I say, rubbing my face. "Obviously, we haven't been introduced. Hey, I don't suppose you would know where Haruhi is?"

Kunikida gives me a guarded expression, then grins. "I don't think you should worry too much," he says.

An evasive answer? Kunikida, I expected better from you! "Well," I say with a sigh, "we're friends. I suppose I'll take your advice as sound and reasonable." Though if you know something I don't....

What am I saying? As Haruhi's unofficial spokesperson, how could I expect him to know more than me? Still, he nods, gives me a smirk, and retakes his seat as the next teacher comes in.

A moment later, but still hours late for class, Haruhi steps in as well, wordlessly handing the teacher a note. The teacher scowls at her and gestures to her desk. Haruhi impassively takes her seat behind me. I'll ask what it was about later; for now, since I know where she is, it is time to sleep.

xxx

I wake with a start at the lunch bell, to see a teacher glaring down at me. The fourth period teacher, not Okabe-sensei, or the teacher that Haruhi followed. He gives me a murderous, 'You got away with it this time' look, and shakes his head while making a chastising 'tsk tsk' noise before heading out into the hall.

"Not my best moment," I sigh aloud, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"Hey," Haruhi says insistently, "your friend Kunikida already bailed. Let's go to the clubhouse."

"I'm this exhausted with no real food, and I have to trudge all the way to the clubhouse?" I moan. "Alright, alright...."

Haruhi snorts, and I sleepily follow her to the club room. So what if I take a while to wake up? There is nothing, absolutely _nothing_ wrong with enjoying my sleep.

Though, class may not be the best place for it. I'm mostly awake by the time Haruhi opens the door. At least awake enough to realize that Yuki-chan isn't there. Haruhi locks the door for some reason, but I slump into my usual chair without remarking it, unenthusiastically dropping my lunch on the desk. I'm exhausted and starving, and I love my little sister dearly ... but I am not eager to eat that lunch.

Sorry, little sister. I have faith you will learn to cook, and probably very soon. Embarrassingly, you're probably better than I am already. But for now....

My ruminations are interrupted as Haruhi, not meeting my eyes, slides a bento across the table to me. "Here," she says.

I sit up straighter. "What about your lunch?" I ask.

She shakes her head minutely and sets her own on the table. "I've felt like making bento this week instead of having cafeteria lunches," she says with a shrug. "And, anyway, I had to return your handkerchief."

My mind is in turmoil. Is this what made her so late? She was doing ... well ... something so cute and traditional? I admit. This facet of her personality is staggering and unexpected. "What's with that face?" she protests.

"Ah," I say, shaking my head quickly and remembering Kunikida's comment about my life turning into a romantic comedy anime. Please, if there are any non-Haruhi gods watching, don't let that be true; the main character's love interest inevitably cannot cook. "I'm just surprised," I tell her, unwrapping the bento. My handkerchief is wrapped in the covering cloth, beneath the actual bento itself so it won't get stained or marked.

She snorts and unwraps her own. "A...anyway," she says, "what kept you up so late last night? I overheard-- Er, I heard you didn't get much rest."

First of all, let me comment that it looked good. I could imagine that Haruhi had the skill to be a good cook. Why not? She's good at everything she tries. Settling for the cafeteria must simply be because she doesn't care to cook usually. Words may not do this bento justice, and I'm not speaking from any particular bias. Well, any bias I'll admit, at least.

And of course, she hadn't forgotten our plans to tell ghost stories. Onigiri shaped like somewhat goofy lantern spirits. Sliced pickled vegetables cut like Pac-Man ghosts. A sausage and an egg carved to look like the traditional, hooded western ghost. Tiny one-eyed umbrella ghosts made out of yakisoba. Small fish-cakes cut to look like attendant spirits around a larger ghost. In the middle, a tiny bowl of dark, fine noodles; a reference to Okiku's long hair emerging from the well? The nine round mushroom slices, and one cut in half with a jaggedly sliced 'crack' nail that one home. I confess, I have never before seen something that looked simultaneously so overwhelmingly cute, and at the same time, so massively unsettling.

So unmistakably Haruhi.

I spend a very long time staring, probably at least a minute, before I manage to say, "This is quite possibly the most amazing bento I have ever seen. It would almost be a shame to eat it."

Haruhi, who I almost never compliment, blushes, turning to look out the window. "Well, I can't have brigade members collapsing because their families won't feed them properly."

"I apologize for destroying this work of art," I say, trying not to look at the goofy faces as I pick up a piece of onigiri.

"Flattery won't get you special treatment, you know," she mumbles, with minimal conviction. Still, I should watch what I say; I'm certain she won't go for the straightforward attempted 'romantic' approach, anyway.

I munch it cautiously, but of course, my fear is unfounded. Haruhi is indeed a skilled cook. If my otherworldly experience of Mikuru's cooking is accurate, Haruhi is better. It pains me to admit this, because anything graced by Mikuru's touch is a wonder. Haruhi smiles softly, not looking straight at me, and picks at her own lunch.

While we eat in this pleasantly companionable silence, I have time to ponder. Ponder and put the clues together. Kunikida seemed to know what was going on ... because Haruhi was behind us at the train station. While I stood there, staring and zombie-like, she overheard my explanations of exhaustion and remembered that she still had my handkerchief. While she tried to pass it off as inconsequential, she had gone all the way home from the school train station, just to make this lunch.

This is an odd feeling. Gratitude for the meal is only a tiny fraction of it. Something approaching awe at her cooking skill, that may be been a component. And ... well. Even I must admit that this personal effort from her, just for me, was endearing.

Don't look at me that way.

Anyway, once I finish the last delicious, disturbing morsel, I bow my head to her. "Thank you, Haruhi. I'm in your debt."

"I...it's nothing," she says quickly, shaking her head. "I could have made more, and the egg didn't turn out as well as I liked-"

"It tasted fine," I tell her, smiling. "I'm no less grateful."

"W...well.... I hardly got to treat you to much, when we talked about...." She shrugs. "Anyway, you didn't tell me what you were up last night with?"

Nothing I would want to bring up here! I can tell her something semi-truthful, at least. "I was thinking about our plans for Saturday night," I answer. "It's only...." I stop to count in my head. "Two days away."

"That's true!" Her blushing demeanor vanishes, and she is instantly the chief of the SOS Brigade again. "We'll want to get big, long-lasting candles. Have you seen Nagato's apartment?"

I sidestep this obvious trap. "We know the building it's in, don't we?" I answer, frowning. "I'm not sure how big it actually is." I've never really looked in any of the other rooms in her apartment, so that much is actually true.

"She's probably got bookcases everywhere," Haruhi muses thoughtfully. "Well, hopefully there's enough room for the candles without any trouble."

"We can make our first dozen stories very short," I suggest.

"How, if we're reading them blindly from books, like you suggested?" she asks, raising an eyebrow. "Didn't think that one through?"

"Some of these volumes are labeled 'short stories'," I point out, glancing at the few books still on the table.

"Hmm. You think that shorter stories will still work?" Her expression is now somewhat skeptical.

"Probably. If you think about it, one hundred long ghost stories would take so long the sun would come up."

"Good point! Well, you're proving your worth as our ghost story expert!"

I snort at that, but a glance at the clock shows we've spent most of our lunch. "Ah, we should get back to class, though."

She reluctantly nods. "You're right," she agrees, as I pocket my handkerchief and wrap the empty bento up, handing it back to her.

xxx

That strange, but not entirely unpleasant day moved quickly. Despite, dare I say it, such a seemingly picturesque encounter with Haruhi over lunch, last night's conversation still weighed on me. And that meant, despite my best efforts, that once Haruhi and I returned to class with a meal sitting in my belly and demanding blood pressure from my head to aid digestion, I quickly succumbed to sleep again.

Some of Haruhi's astounding skill at not being noticed by teachers rubs off on me. This doesn't occur to me until Haruhi pokes me in the back with a mechanical pencil, waking me up a few minutes before physical education. Then the thought of a teacher turning to wake me, and Haruhi's watchful, predatory eyes locking on that poor teacher enters my head, and the image haunts me until the period ends.

From the point of view of the teachers, the most eccentric girl in school, glaring angrily at anyone who dared approach.... Sleeping beneath that gaze, even if only imagined, is terrifying. Who knows what side-effects it could have? I told Haruhi that she really had 'beamed' confidence into my head. What if that escalated in her mind?

Well, I can jump off that bridge when I get to it.

Physical education is girls vs. boys soccer. A brilliant decision for the class, sensei -- Haruhi wins, of course, making sure to bounce a few soccer balls off my slowly lurching form. After finally being rotated to the sidelines Kunikida approaches me. "Hey, Kyon," he says, sitting not far away. "Enjoy your lunch?"

None of your business! What kind of lies are you trying to perpetuate?! Insinuating that-

Anyway.

"I didn't have to endure my sister's cooking," I answer, nodding.

"Is that all?" Kunikida asks, quirking one eyebrow.

"There's more to it. But how about you?" Turnabout is fair play.

"Ah, well," he says, looking away. "I think I've got a way to go, compared to you, but I can't complain."

Kunikida, I thought we were friends. Can we talk about anything else? Absolutely anything?

"Anyway, I've been studying up. So, judging by the recent trend of economic policy shifts...."

...right.

* * *

Author's notes: I cut about a third of the original draft off this. Sleep-dep makes me write some terrible stuff.


	4. Chapter 3

The Courtship of Suzumiya Haruhi

Chapter three: In which progress is an option, not a mandate.

A 'Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' fanfiction.

Note: This fic is a sequel to The Blunt Force Trauma of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Disclaimer: The novel 'Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu'/'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. I do not know the producers yet, but the animation company responsible is Kyoto Animation. No disrespect is intended by the posting of this fanfiction, as I do not own the characters or settings involved. I'm merely dabbling with another set of paints. ;)

* * *

After the last period finishes, we're released to club activities. No longer a member of the Going Home Club, Kunikida descends into the depths of an economic nightmare to pursue his Eimi-chan. I probably shouldn't care ... no, it would be more accurate to say I don't care, really. I wish him the best, but economics bore the hell out of me. As a friend I _should_ care, but things between him and Yamada seem to be going just fine.

I can imagine his growing, stereotypical highschool romance proceeding with only the merest of bumps and hiccups as he and Yamada build their relationship. Given that Kunikida's academic scores are as good as they are, I'm sure he'd have no trouble being the economist that Yamada seems to be interested in.

All the same, that strikes me as a very, very boring relationship.

Maybe more of Haruhi has rubbed off onto me than I thought? Of course, speaking of the Brigade Chief....

"So what's gotten into you lately, anyway?" she asks, eyeing me over the top of the computer monitor, when I take my usual seat.

The girl in a maid outfit sets a hot teacup before me, her eyes wandering between myself and Haruhi slowly. Yuki is sitting in the corner reading a new thick book, 'The Complete Fionavar Tapestry', but Koizumi hasn't show up yet.

I'm not complaining about that last part.

"Gotten into me?" I ask, trying to keep some of the irritation off my face. "You're the one who gets into things, Haruhi. I'm just passing time until Saturday." Glancing between Mikuru and Yuki, I ask, "Yuki-chan, is your place still going to be okay?"

She slowly looks up, then turns her face back to her book. "Fine," she says in that whisper-soft voice.

Haruhi's eyes narrow in suspicion. "I mean you and Kunikida," she clarifies, waggling a finger at me in warning. "You're trying to hide something?"

This from the person hiding most of her face behind the computer monitor? "Just respecting Kunikida's privacy," I respond. "It's not important."

"Then spill!" she says, sitting up straight, her eyes demanding, her face speculative.

Should have figured we'd never make it to telling ghost stories. "It's nothing spectacular," I assure her. "He's trying to date a girl in the Economic Studies Club."

"We have that club?" Haruhi asks in surprise. "I must have skipped it.... Anyway, that sounds incredibly boring."

A nervous feeling. I try to ignore it, but say: "I agree. But Kunikida really likes this girl, I think." I shrug. "That's all."

"Oh," Haruhi sighs, frowning. I have the impression she's not that upset, but that's when Koizumi enters.

"I apologize for being late," he says, wearing that smile, carrying his bag in one hand and a thick story book in the other. He bows slightly to Haruhi as he makes his apology. "More research today?"

"Eh, no need," Haruhi says, shaking her head. "We can just read the stories straight from the books."

Koizumi's smile fades, and he looks at his book forlornly. "I see," he says, before his face brightens, and a more genuine seeming smile appears. "What shall we do today, then?" He takes his normal seat across from me and starts setting up a chess board.

I don't particularly care for chess, honestly, but Koizumi went out of his way to teach it to me, so I dutifully help him finish setting up the pieces, and offer him first move.

"I want to come up with a new activity," Haruhi says speculatively, twirling a pen between her fingers and slowly spinning her chair in place.

"Ghost stories are off already?" I ask, unable to keep one eyebrow from ticking. Koizumi winces too, giving me an apologetic look.

"Don't be stupid," Haruhi says in a surprisingly placid tone. "After that."

"Himeji castle?" I ask.

"I suppose," she says slowly, unenthusiastically. "I haven't ever been before, I mean."

Koizumi and I stare at the board in thoughtful silence. After a heartbeat of thought and a glance at Haruhi while she's facing away, I shuffle several pieces on the board around, so it at least looks like we're thinking of moves. Koizumi nods slightly, then offers a broad, careless shrug. Like this doesn't matter, somehow?

"It could be fun," I say, finally, dismissing the board and turning in my seat to face Haruhi, who is now staring pensively out the window. "Didn't you want to see Okiku's well?"

"Kinda," she mumbles. "Ah, nevermind. I'll come up with something."

She turns around and crosses her arms on the desk, lowering her face and hiding behind the computer monitor. Koizumi and I exchange worried glances.

But as always in these times, I can find nothing to say.

Shaking my head, I take a piece of note paper from a pad on the white board, glancing at Haruhi and scribbling out a quick message. Mikuru and Yuki-chan watch me curiously, while Koizumi thoughtfully ponders Haruhi's elbows and a bit of her hair, all that's visible behind her cover. I put Mikuru's name on the note and gesture to her.

Mikuru stares at me, hesitantly reaching for the note, when Haruhi's voice suddenly breaks the tense silence, and we all freeze nervously. "Hey ... Yuki ... what's that book about?"

Now shaking, Mikuru takes the note and hides it in her maid costume's apron pocket.

Yuki turns her eyes back to the still open book. "Inter-dimensional travelers, magic, an evil force escaping confinement," and here I think I detect the merest pause, "one man's self-sacrifice for the good of the world, and a man who dares to love a goddess."

"Hmm," Haruhi muses, her face still in her arms. "Is it any good?"

"It has received several rewards and is critically acclaimed."

Haruhi lifts her head up and shoots Yuki a dour look. "No, no ... that's not what I asked! I wanted to know if it was _good_," she grumbles. "Do you like it?" She sits up straight, eyeing the shorter girl. "Geez, do you like anything?"

Yuki-chan's eyes turn to me. "Yes," she says softly, before they turn back to her book.

"Bleah," Haruhi grumps sinking back to her desk. After the silence stretches on for a long, uncomfortable minute, she mumbles, "Can I borrow it when you're done?"

"Yes," Yuki-chan whispers.

I stare at the chessboard listlessly, then shake my head. "You win," I announce, flicking over my king, even though we haven't made a legitimate move the entire time. "Let's play something else. Something with dice. Or cards." I don't usually lose as bad, there.

"Um...." Mikuru says hesitantly, "what about Uno? We could all play that, right? Uh, Suzumiya-san, did you want to join us?"

Yuki closes her book abruptly and sets it next to Haruhi's head, then moves her chair over to the table to join in. Haruhi startles, sitting up and surprised to see the book already. "Yeah, sure," she says, smiling weakly.

XXX

When club ends, Haruhi hasn't really cheered up much, but she's pretending to not be bothered. After she dismisses us, leaving first, we all remain behind in the clubroom.

After another minute or two of silence, I rub at my right temple and ask Koizumi, "How bad is it?"

He looks a bit guilty and spreads his hands. "I feel nothing," he answers. "There doesn't appear to be any backlash."

What? "Really?"

"I don't think I would joke about this," he says with a sigh. "I'm at a loss for what's going on, but I feel no closed space forming."

Yuki-chan stares, occasionally blinking but offering no insight.

Mikuru's face turns a bit pink after she reads my note. "Um ... I'd like to talk to Kyon-kun ... alone?" she asks shyly.

Yuki-chan's gaze turns to Mikuru before she blinks, and her eyes go to me. "Understood."

"Well, then," Koizumi says with a shrug. "I trust I'm leaving this matter in capable hands. Good luck!" With that, he and Yuki-chan depart, leaving only Mikuru and I together in the club room.

I occasionally regret not taking more time to enjoy being Mikuru's boyfriend in that other world. When she sits demurely next to me, smoothing out her maid outfit's apron, she glances at my face, then looks away. "S...so, this note," she says quietly, "what's going on, Kyon-kun?"

"Ah, Mikuru-chan," I say, wincing. "Um ... Yuki-chan actually suggested I should talk to you. For advice on something."

"Oh!" she says, cheering up instantly. "If there's anything I can give you advice on, of course!"

I'm going to hate myself in a few seconds. "S...so, it's about Haruhi," I start, loosening my collar.

Mikuru's smile remains bright, and she nods. "Okay," she says. "What's going on?"

Tripping over my tongue with admissions I hate to make to myself, I tell her, "I'm ... trying to ... er ... that is...." I trail off and palm my face. This is hard. "First of all, if I say too much, or you don't want to listen, just let me know, alright?"

Her smile fades to a look of consternation. "Why wouldn't I want to help you, Kyon-kun?"

"Well ... did Haruhi look downcast to you today?"

"It would be hard to miss," Mikuru admits. "Why? Did you say something to upset her?"

"No! Of course.... Well. Maybe? If I did, I don't know what it is, though."

She nods sympathetically.

"Anyway, um, Mikuru-chan, I'm trying to figure out how to ... eh ... ask Haruhi ... to date me, I guess," I manage, my face heating up. I can't meet her eyes when I say this; I am the lowest class of cowards.

I hear her take a deep breath and sigh. "Well, good," she says after a brief pause. "I'm happy for you! And her, too.... But what did you need my help with?"

A sidelong glance shows that Mikuru's smile has faded, and she's looking out the window thoughtfully. "I don't know how to say it," I grumble. "I know that I have to, but this is Haruhi we're talking about."

"Y...you don't _have_ to," Mikuru says hesitantly.

"Well, I know I have a real choice in the matter, but I feel I should." And yeah, I do have those grudgingly admitted feelings for Haruhi. I won't voice them in front of Mikuru like this, though; that would just be cruel.

"You lo.... You like her, right?" Mikuru asks abruptly, turning to peer into my eyes.

"Eh.... Um, well...."

Mikuru shakes her head, smiling wistfully. "You don't need to try and hide it, Kyon-kun. In that other world ... well. I remember. But you have to admit it to yourself before you can admit it to her."

"Would ... coming out and admitting it to her really be for the best?" I wonder. "Just like that? Wouldn't that be a bit sudden?"

"Don't be silly! You should know she already cares for you! That's why ... she chose to believe that you saved her."

True enough. Haruhi could overpower me physically, if she were so inclined; the idea that I could defeat Taniguchi, when he overpowered her, was an error in logic. Yet, that's what she chose to believe. Or, as Koizumi told me once, she chose to believe in _me_, and the explanation for it simply came into place after....

That must be it. "You're right," I realize aloud. I still don't think I want to say those words in front of Mikuru, but I can at least think them truthfully: I care about Haruhi very deeply. I want to protect her, and I want to be at her side. And when I remember that closed space, nearly a year ago now, where I told her that I believed in this world, and wanted to stay a part of it....

...I think my life would have become empty if she had gone on and somehow left us behind.

"Even though the truth is I could never have done it without you, and Yuki-chan, and Koizumi," I add.

Mikuru shakes her head, the wistful smile turning sadder. "I think you could have," she says. "If you had to. Even I can admit that it was probably always going to be you and her."

I ponder for a moment, then ask, "Is that ... knowledge you have from your superiors?"

"That's classified," she tells me, her smile returning. It vanishes again shortly. "Mostly, in that other world ... I was being selfish. I can try and argue that it was because I was just trying to make Suzumiya happy, but that wasn't true."

That hurts ... but not nearly as badly as I expected. Still, trying to be sympathetic, it can't be easy for her to speak about this, either. Why did Yuki-chan think this was going to be a good idea...?

"Hey, Kyon-kun, I think you'll be okay," she says encouragingly. "I believe in you, after all!"

"Will you?" I ask worriedly. "Be okay, I mean?"

Her head shakes as she bows it. "That doesn't matter," she says softly. "Someday I'll have to return to my own timeplane. Things will be different there. That's why ... I say it was selfish of me."

It wounds my heart to acknowledge that. But it's true; Mikuru-chan will have to go, some day ... she's only a visitor here. "Even if we don't.... That is, even if what happened in that other world isn't 'real', I still treasure it," I tell her. "It may have been scary, and a near thing, but even if you think I didn't care about you there, I'm grateful that I had you. And because of that.... When you have to go, I will miss your friendship."

Mikuru smiles brightly, unshed tears in her eyes. "I'll treasure those memories, too, Kyon-kun. But don't let it weigh on you. Even if we aren't together, we _will_ always be friends, right?"

I nod, my own vision mysteriously wavering. I miss the blur of motion, so it catches me by surprise when Mikuru darts her head forward and kisses me on the cheek. "I ... should go before I do anything more selfish," she adds, bowing apologetically before I can gather my wits. "Take care of yourself, Kyon-kun."

And then she leaves, and I spend an hour staring at the table, trying to think.

Putting aside the overwhelming sense of euphoria that Mikuru left me with, I still haven't actually gotten any advice on how to actually ask Haruhi out. I'm sensing a recurring theme, and I don't think I want to bother asking Koizumi.

Not that it'll stop him from telling me anyway.

XXX

I'm still a bit tired when I arrive at the train station. For some reason, Haruhi is waiting for me, tapping one foot and frowning. "Good morning," I mumble at her.

"Where were you yesterday?" she asks immediately, falling into step beside me.

"At school, then home," I answer, furrowing my brows. "I did hang back in the club room for a while, though. Why do you ask?"

"I wanted to talk to you," she says, looking away and starting the hike up the hill. "I waited here until I saw your friends show up! Kunikida and Yamada ... ugh!"

"What's wrong with them?" I ask. I can't imagine Kunikida doing anything outlandish. In fact, him managing to catch Haruhi's attention as anything other than an extra body to use in one of her adventures is nothing short of astounding.

Haruhi makes a disgusted noise. "Love is a mental illness," she snaps.

I've never liked that viewpoint. "Everyone gets sick on occasion," I tell her, shrugging. "You told me that even you get 'those feelings', once."

"W...well," Haruhi mumbles, her energy abruptly stripped away.

She walks beside me pensively, and I try a new tack. "Hey, Haruhi, could I ask you a question?"

"Huh? Of course!" she says quickly, shifting her shoulders and looking away from my face. "What about?"

"I don't mean to bother you, but you never did tell me about that dream you mentioned."

Even though her face is turned away, I can see her shoulders droop a little. "Which one?" she asks.

There was more than one? Of course, the closed-space incident was so long ago.... But maybe I shouldn't be surprised that she still remembers that.

After all, I do, too.

"When you were in the hospital," I say quietly.

"Some dream," she grumbles, turning her face forward and shaking her head. "Half nightmare. It.... Ah, I don't want to talk about that."

"Alright," I say with a shrug. In all honesty, I may remember it better than she did. Still, I had hoped for maybe some hints or suggestions on how to proceed. Probably searching in vain ... I'm getting a feeling that I'm on my own in this one. "What did you want to talk about, then?"

"About Himeji castle," she said with a frown, glancing across to me.

"You didn't seem interested in going yesterday," I say, frowning back slightly. "Something wrong with it?"

"N...no, I just thought, um, it might be more effective if we only took the Brigade Chief and the ghost story expert to investigate it," she mumbles. "But I don't want everyone else to feel left out. I mean, Koizumi would probably bore us all to tears with a cultural lecture, and Mikuru would probably start to cry as soon as any mention of ghosts was brought up...." She shakes her head vigorously. "No, it'd be a bad idea -- just the two of us should go, and we shouldn't let the others know about it."

"Ah," I say, nodding. That sensation of an opportunity lost, again. If I just sit idly by, without the courage to declare or ask anything of Haruhi, she's probably going to get tired of me. And here she is, covertly setting up an 'investigation' with just the two of us?

I'll play along for now, though. She didn't mention Yuki-chan or any reason to exclude her, so I won't bring it up either.

"What day were you thinking?"

"It's not too far," she said thoughtfully. "We could probably do it in a day ... but I want to make it an overnight trip."

In the back of my mind, this is because she really _does_ want to break into the castle at night, to see if Okiku really says anything from the well. "Just the two of us? Where would we stay?"

"Don't worry about it too much," she says quickly, "I'll have that covered."

This sounds more like her typical meddling. I'm not sure I want to know the specifics ... even though I expect there will be hell to pay for it later. "Okay. So, the weekend after this?"

She nods quickly. "Yeah, that'll work."

Then we say nothing else until we reach the top of the hill. In all truth, these silences are becoming more comfortable than I had expected. I don't get the impression that she's more upset or irritated, even if I think she has been acting a bit moody lately. In any case, what could I do?

XXX

By the time lunch rolls around, Haruhi has gone back to her normal self enough to run off ... wherever it is she always goes during lunch. Class is otherwise without event, and when the club begins, Haruhi seems content to jot down some notes from the internet, not letting anyone see the monitor. All-in-all, it starts like a fairly average day in the club room, except that Mikuru's in her uniform instead of the maid outfit.

Which is probably just as well, given our last discussion.

When Yuki-chan closes her book and Haruhi says, "Okay, don't forget, Yuki's place tomorrow, and make sure you get enough sleep ahead of time!" that's the end of it.

Other than one last, unreadable glance at me, she rushes out without a word.

It doesn't happen that often, usually, that Haruhi leaves the four of us in the club alone. And most of the time when it does happen, it's because she's planning something -- though, even then, she usually only goes out of her way to hide things from me.

I stretch my arms and study the board between Koizumi and myself. "Your game," he decides, before we start cleaning up the game pieces.

Time to leave before he tries to corner me to give me advice.

"Oh, Kyon-kun," he asks, as I start to rise, "could I trouble you for a word?"

Like bad scenes in B-movies, it was inevitable.

"Yeah, sure," I say, sighing. Mikuru rushes out quickly, just pausing long enough to collect the teacups. Yuki-chan walks out of the clubroom at a more sedate pace, her footsteps silent.

I stretch my neck a few times and stifle a yawn. "So, what's going on?"

"Nothing horribly serious," he says, his ever-present smile in place. "But, as I suggested, I asked ... certain people in the Agency for advice. I strongly expect that at this point, even though it is my job to watch Suzumiya-san, you know better. Even so, I can't help but feel I've been left out of the advice-giving process, hmm?"

I blink at him a few times, considering the implications of this. Interestingly, his Agency can give him information on who I've talked to, but he has guessed wrong about what we actually spoke about. I guess that means there's no recording devices hidden in the club room. For once, his blind spot is a reassurance to me.

"I'm all ears," I tell him in a calm voice.

He seems a bit taken aback, but chuckles anyway. "Well, I just want to try and help, Kyon-kun. This is Suzumiya-san, after all."

Can't begrudge him that, I suppose. "Speaking of that, how bad has closed space actually been lately?"

"Only three instances the week after the incident," he says with a shrug. "Your discussion a few days ago had us on edge, but nothing actually came of it. Should I be aware of anything?"

"Probably," I say, throwing his own shrug back at him. And, hey, why not some words, too? "This is Haruhi, after all."

"Touche," he says, bowing his head slightly. "In that case, given my esteem for you ... Mori-san suggests that you speak from the heart."

Mori, Mori, Mori ... that name sounds familiar. Wait, the maid during the island mystery adventure? She's a member of the Agency? Actually, that makes sense. "Well, that sounds fine."

"Other than that, the best advice I heard was to be truthful."

"As truthful as I can," I mutter.

"That's wonderful," Koizumi says, nodding, his grin still perfectly in place. "Now, if it's not too much to ask, what sort of timeframe did you have planned?"

I stare at him, blink a few times, then shake my head. "This isn't the kind of thing you rush, Koizumi. Well. Maybe it is. But it's not the kind of thing _I_ do."

He winces, hands raising, palms outward. "Fair point," he says, shaking his head. "I apologize."

"Let's just assume it was your superiors who were demanding that answer," I tell him, rising from my seat.

"I-"

"Let's just assume."

He actually looks embarrassed. "It's none of my business. The Agency.... Well. I apologize again, Kyon-kun."

"Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow. Take care."

I leave, while he lowers his hands to the table and broods. I'm going to do whatever it is that I do because I choose to, not because some Agency would find it helpful to their causes.

XXX

Saturday's club activity is going to be in the late evening, so I actually take Haruhi's instructions to heart and sleep in. Right up until the dreaded little-sister-elbow-slam knocks the wind out of me, anyway. "Kyon-kun!" she chirps, shattering any remaining dreams. "Breakfast is ready!"

"Go 'way," I mumble. Or something along those lines. It does me no good, however, and shortly she's gleefully hauled me out of the bed, away from the comforting warmth of the blankets....

When I finally climb to my feet so we can go brush our teeth, I remark, "Today's not even a school day."

"So?" she asks, before snatching the toothpaste tube from my hands.

There's no reason to clarify the remark to her. But I'm awake, and shortly thereafter we finish breakfast.

She immediately claims the downstairs television and starts playing one of her puzzle games. For myself, I ponder what to do with the day.

More homework doesn't sound fun, even if I haven't finished it all. Preparatory work for the storytelling tonight doesn't sound very interesting either. I also realize that I've done nothing to counter the inevitable ghost that will appear when Haruhi gets bored with the ritual. Then again, if it haunts Yuki-chan's apartment....

...on second thought, there's probably not much to worry about. I should check with her afterwards, though.

Still, this is time to reflect and plan. I should be responsible with my time.

And if I can't plan for talking with Haruhi, I should do the responsible thing and finish my homework.

That thought in mind, I move to the couch and tap my sister's shoulder. "Hand me the other controller."

I'm not the greatest fan of video games, but they're a great way to kill the time. In almost no time at all, it seems, I stop because my phone is ringing. A check of the display tells me who's calling -- Haruhi, of course. The sun's still out, and it's several hours before we're supposed to be at Yuki-chan's, though.

Still, she gets angry if I make her wait, so I flip open the phone. "Hello?"

"Kyon, come meet me at the train station by Yuki's place!"

"Why, I wonder?"

"Just hurry!"

Of course, she's already hung up.

Sighing, I get up and grab my overnight bag from my room before heading out. "Hey," my little sister starts to protest, seeing that I'm going somewhere without her.

Time to dash!

XXX

I ride my bike to the train station as quickly as I can, winded by the time I screech to a halt and see Haruhi there, tapping a foot impatiently while standing next to a sizable cardboard box. Out of her school uniform, Haruhi tends towards more tomboyish clothing, though I have seen her wear dresses from time to time. Today is a red skirt and a white blouse.

She raises an eyebrow when I sit there, probably making a fool out of myself. Before she can yell at me, I unsling the bag from my back and ask, "What's in the box?"

"Candles, of course. You're going to carry them."

There's quite an irony in her being stronger than me, but demanding I do all her menial labor anyway. After a bit of fussing, I mostly balance the box on the back of my bike's rack, and she produces some cords to tie it in place. I briefly wonder if she had brought them specifically because she expected me to bring my bike, or if she had some darker plan I wouldn't want to know about?

"I'm surprised you were awake," she remarks, once I'm pushing the bike along and she's walking next to me, swinging her own overnight bag idly.

What's that supposed to mean? "Nice to see you, too."

She shoots me a sidelong glance, then smirks. "I want to get an early start, so we don't miss our window of opportunity. But I also don't want to get too many short stories and then need to wait for who knows how long to make sure the timing is right."

"You want to finish between two and three in the morning, right?"

"Yeah ... you're the ghost story expert, though, so tell me, do you think it'd ruin things if we did something else with our time between stories?"

Something else ... crap. I didn't remember to pack a single board game. Typical. I'm sure Koizumi will have something; he always does. "Probably not," I answer. Of course, the entire mood will be destroyed if we take time out to play games. Not that I particularly care. If she doesn't get into the mood for trying to make a ghost appear, then hopefully we won't have to deal with it. "I'm sure the important thing is the candles."

"Good," she says, seemingly reassured. "Once we drop our stuff off at Yuki's, we can finish picking up the rest of the supplies for tonight."

Great, more wandering aimlessly. "What will we need?"

"Well, if we're all going to be using Yuki-chan's place, it only seems fair to make dinner for everyone."

This logic never seems to apply to my home, Haruhi. Then again, Haruhi knows that Yuki lives alone, and my mom is rather generous with things like tea and snacks.

Or just doesn't trust us alone.

Ech, where did that thought come from?

"Makes sense," I say. So far, this is going pretty well. Haruhi hasn't snapped, yelled, or gotten noticeably disappointed with me yet.

I wonder how long it'll last. Anyway, it won't do to let Haruhi see that I know how to use the intercom system and call Yuki's room, so while she tries to beat compliance out of the console, I chain my bike up and untie the box of candles. By the time I'm finished, hauling the heavy box to the doorway, Yuki-chan has just entered the command to open the door.

Shortly, Haruhi and I are shoulder-to-shoulder in the elevator, and then walking to the entrance to Yuki-chan's apartment. Yuki-chan wordlessly opens the door and lets us in after Haruhi knocks. "So," Haruhi says by way of greeting, looking around, "this is your place?"

The only furniture in the room is the kotatsu. There are no decorations on any of the walls, except for the winter curtain hung over the large window. "Yes," Yuki-chan answers.

"Sorry about being early," I tell the quiet girl. I'm guessing Haruhi didn't bother to say we were coming early....

"No problem."

After I set down the box, Haruhi shakes her head a few times. "Well, okay," she finally decides. "Hey, Yuki, you don't mind if we use your kitchen, do you?"

"I don't mind."

"Then it's decided! Oh, but, since you're hosting, what are you in the mood for?"

Yuki-chan blinks once, then answers, "Curry."

Haruhi looks annoyed. "That's so generic!" She looks about ready to start another tirade, then thinks better of it. "Hmm, maybe that won't be too bad ... we'll just make a bunch of side dishes!"

"You're going to make a huge mess in her kitchen?" I ask.

"It's no problem! You're not cooking, so you can clean up after us!"

"As long as you don't burn anything, it won't be as bad as washing the dishes after my little sister," I grumble. Though, mom made breakfast today, which was a nice escape.

"Right! Okay, Kyon, let's go to the market."

And like that, I'm dragged along with Haruhi. She's much more animated, talking excitedly about the different things she can make until we leave the lobby of Yuki-chan's apartment, but honestly, even though I like her, I just tune it out. Haruhi in excited mode is ... well, Haruhi, I guess. Sometimes it's nice to just follow in her wake and see what happens.

Anyway, she breaks off whatever she was saying to me to call Mikuru and find out what side dishes she wants to make.

I can imagine Mikuru struggling to answer something that's appropriate, and Haruhi yelling that it's boring, and then immediately replacing it. But instead, Haruhi seems pleased with what she hears and agrees to pick up some ingredients for her. After Mikuru, she calls Koizumi.

Then she seems satisfied, having gathered everyone's opinion except for mine. She's in a good mood. I should be careful not to ruin it.

"There's a market just around the corner," she tells me, pointing down the street. I remember it ... that's where we encountered Yuki-chan returning with her dinner the day that Haruhi tried investigating Asakura Ryouko's disappearance.

There's a person I hadn't thought of in a while. I had Ryouko, and Yuki-chan saved me. And Haruhi had Taniguchi ... and believes I saved her.

"Oh," she says, almost as an afterthought, glancing at my face and then looking away, "well, I guess since I forgot to ask what you wanted, I'll let you choose what we have for desert."

I raise an eyebrow and blink at her. Hmm, what does she like, anyway?

XXX

I'll spare you a minute-by-minute account of everything that happened in Yuki-chan's apartment once everyone gathered. It was relatively straightforward -- Haruhi, Yuki-chan, and Mikuru cooked dinner for everyone. Afterwards, Koizumi and I did the dishes while the girls changed into their pajamas, then Koizumi and I changed -- separately, thank you very much. After that, we played games until late in the evening before setting up the candles.

We were arrayed around the table with Haruhi and Yuki-chan sharing one side, me on the side by Haruhi, Mikuru opposite me, and Koizumi opposite Haruhi and Yuki-chan. The candles had been placed in a big circle around us, with the bulk of them on the table. I'm not sure where Haruhi found candles that would burn long enough, but somehow she had.

Note, these candles are heavy when you have one hundred of them in a box.

At any rate, despite my predictions, Mikuru actually held up pretty well, only cowering through the first thirty or so ghost stories. She fell asleep first, and Haruhi waved it off. At story seventy five, Koizumi finally succumbed to slumber. Haruhi shook him awake for another story or two before he slipped back into sleep again.

I wanted to sleep, too. At exactly one in the morning, Yuki-chan abruptly lay down and either slept, or pretended to sleep. I couldn't tell, but Haruhi just sighed and shook her head. Eight stories to go.

Rubbing at my eyes, I take the next book from the stack. "These candles aren't enough to read by anymore," I mutter.

"And everyone else is asleep anyway," Haruhi sighs.

I look up at her face, soft and glowing golden in the candle-light. "Tired?"

"Not really," she says, shaking her head. "Well. A little. But that's okay, we had fun, right?"

Haruhi ... giving up? Well, giving up on my idea, not hers. Then again, it _was_ actually pretty fun.... Trying to out-spooky Koizumi was a futile task, but with Mikuru asleep, it was worth a shot. Some attempts ended up being just plain silly, but then again, maybe I'll get out of this without having to deal with a ghost after all.

"Yeah," I answer her. "You sure you don't want to finish? We can come up with just eight by ourselves, even without the books, right?"

"It's fine," she says. "We'll wake them up."

I may have suggested that when Haruhi looks angry, she's occasionally cute. I may also have said that Haruhi looks defeated and vulnerable, she's enticing in her own way and tugs at my heartstrings. But watching her look down at the sleeping brigade members with that soft smile, I have to say this in all honesty:

Haruhi is never as lovely as when she shows concern for her friends. Her smile is softer, affectionate; there's a hidden warmth in her eyes she almost never reveals, and even without the candles I believe she faintly glows. While I think that, she climbs up from her seat at the table, careful not to disturb Yuki-chan, and grabs blankets and pillows from the pile in the corner. After that she covers Yuki-chan and Mikuru, gently lifting their heads to place them on pillows. She even gives Yuki a warm, sisterly pat on the head.

That done, she tosses a blanket half across Koizumi, then grabs two more before blowing out the candles. "Come on," she whispers, tugging me after her.

"Where?" I manage, before I realize she's headed to the door.

"The roof!" she says quietly. She gives me an annoyed look when I stop to put on my jacket, because I'm not exactly thrilled about the idea of climbing to the roof of the building in just my pajamas. But this is Haruhi -- you try telling her 'no'.

I dare you. I'll even wait.

I thought so.

Obviously enough, we make it to the roof, and at this hour no one is around to see us, though we're in such a rush I didn't even have time to close my jacket properly. A break in the clouds shows the sliver of the moon, but everything is lit with the silvery glow of the city lights, reflected back from the cloud cover anyway. She shivers slightly, then wraps her blanket around herself. Staring off into the sky, where the stars are all hidden, she asks me quietly, "Hey, Kyon?"

"Hmm?" I wrap my blanket around myself as well, trying not to think about how cold my ankles are.

"What ... do you think of me?"

That's direct. I stare at her for a long minute, not able to form a solid answer. Even before she asked me that question -- months ago, in fact -- I tried answering that question to myself. Well, not quite exactly that question. But what is Haruhi to me? What answer does she want to hear? What's the truth?

At this point, I'm so confused, I'm not even truly sure.

She turns to look at me, and the universal silver glow from the clouds reflects from her eyes. "You can't answer, can you?" she asks me dully. "Geez ... I ... never mind." She turns away and bows her head. The cover overhead drifts across the tiny sliver of moon, and a chill breeze rises.

"I'm terrified," I finally answer her, revealing the truth in a sudden epiphany. She flinches, hunching in on herself.

"I.... Is that ... so?" she asks, her voice stiff.

"I'm terrified that I'll mess things up," I force out. "That I'll answer your questions wrong, say the wrong thing.... That I'll finally annoy you so much that you lose interest in me. That...." I sigh, shaking my head. "I don't know what to say. I never have."

She turns back to me slowly, eyes downcast. "Am I so difficult?"

"That's not the word," I disagree. She shivers, raising her face to look directly at me. "I mean ... no, you can be. But that's not the problem. If you weren't the way you were, you wouldn't be you."

"So, there's a problem, then? That's what you're saying?" Her eyes shift to one side, glimmering in the strange half-light of Nishomiya's skyline. "I guess I'm too strange after all...."

And just like that. The wrong words. I should have put money on not being able to say things right. "Maybe it's just that I'm a coward," I admit, dropping my gaze to the rooftop below us. A stray flake of snow drifts down. "I know you're interested in ... other things, and humans are boring. And I'm just a normal human, after all. So...."

"Y...you idiot," she grumbles. "You already asked me once, you know? I told you, I'd ... give anyone a chance."

"And then you asked me if I was an alien, or an esper," I counter, smirking.

"Didn't think you'd remember that so well," she admits with a smile, shivering again.

"Hey, it's really cold out here -- we should go back inside."

"I don't want to," she says, her eyes still looking away. "Not yet."

I've stumbled this far, somehow. And all of it is stumbling, blind guessing, and having no real plan. A glance to the side shows more snow coming down. What, is Haruhi going to stay out here and freeze if I don't manage to confess to her? Fine, I'll seize the initiative.

I toss my blanket down against the wall of the stairwell housing, then grab Haruhi's hand. She protests, but doesn't resist (or overpower me, which she easily could) as I make her sit down on my blanket, and we share hers and my jacket. "What's all this about?" she asks, her face turned away.

"Didn't you say it was my job to protect you?"

"Yeah.... But I want you to be honest, Kyon." She shifts slightly next to me. "Tell me the truth. You ... like Mikuru, don't you?"

"What? Where did this come from!?" Not the question I expected once I managed to finally get us into....

"You asked about my dream, when I was ... in a coma," she mumbles. "And in my dream, it was all about ... you being in love with Mikuru. You didn't have any room in your heart for me."

I put one arm around her shoulders, and she shifts a bit more, suddenly nervous. "If I hadn't met you, I might be able to fall in love with Mikuru," I answer. "But I did meet you."

She looks at me sharply, then away. "So...."

"I'm not in love with Mikuru," I say, picking my words carefully. I do love Mikuru; it's hard not to. She's beautiful, and I feel an uncontrollable desire to protect her when she's in danger. What I feel for Haruhi, though....

"Anyway," I continue after a moment of thought, "despite all of that, and as much as it scares me ... I want you to know something."

"What's that?" she breathes.

"I can't imagine a world without you in it," I tell her. "I don't mean the SOS Brigade without a president. I'd miss everyone if they went away, but I'd live, if the girl who sits behind me in class is still there to be so cheerful and curious."

She bows her head, a shiver or shudder passing through her. A sound like a hysterical sob escapes her. Before I can try and apologize, or understand what I've done wrong, she shifts to lean against me, curled beneath the blanket with her head nestled against my chest. The chill of the air around us seems somehow distant, even in the lightly drifting snow thanks to our shared warmth.

"I don't understand you," she mumbles. "I try my hardest, but even if you call yourself a normal person.... I don't know. Somehow, ever since I met you, you've been there for me. When I was despairing the dumb clubs in our school, you gave me the idea to make things better. When I got depressed, I even _dreamed_ about you. On the island ... you were the one that solved the mystery for me. You saved me from Taniguchi, and in m...my coma, you were the one who showed me the way out.

"And then, after all that, you just sit on the sidelines and make snarky comments ... and I wonder if you even care."

"I do," I tell her, earnestly, hugging her tightly to myself, unable to deny the surges of relief that flow through me; it's good to finally be this close. Suddenly, I'm not at all jealous of Kunikida's boring, stable romance as it buds.

She sniffles again, pinpricks of warm moisture seeping into my pajama top.

"Ah ... don't cry, Haruhi!" I protest, my moment of singular clarity and joy shattered with that sudden certainty I've managed to botch things again. Even the image of Koizumi waking up downstairs in a panic to deal with closed space doesn't comfort me. I have nothing clever to say about how bad I feel right now. Suffice to say it is very lousy indeed. "Please, no matter what happens, I always want to be there for you! I don't know what a boring, normal person like me can do for you, but I'll do whatever I can -- no, whatever it takes!"

"You idiot," she whispers, though her voice sounds light even with her tears. "I don't want that. I want the Kyon that's aloof and confident; the one that isn't swept away when I am. The anchor that pulls me back to the earth when I go too far. Even I can admit I get carried away...."

The relief returns, but this mood-whiplash is going to tear me to pieces.

"E...even so," I say, stumbling over my words a bit, "I want to be more than that to you. Even if I am terrified of upsetting you."

"I'll tell you a secret," she says, her voice muffled slightly as she turns her face into my chest, though she's stopped crying. I pull the blanket around us more tightly. "I told you once that I don't always have so much confidence in my abilities...." If only you knew, Haruhi. If only you knew....

But Haruhi's sudden overwhelmingly cute vulnerability here has catalyzed some reaction within me. I can't say anything silly or try my usual dismissive deadpan humor here. "I can't imagine why," I tell her, one hand rising to smooth her hair down as another chill breeze swings past, bearing more shining snowflakes around the rooftop.

"You're braver than I am," she mumbles. "I couldn't admit how scared I was of saying the thing that finally made you mad enough to really walk away forever ... not without hearing it from you first." She giggles then, pushing away from me a tiny bit to peer up at me, her eyes shining in the dimness of the hour.

I smile down at her. "I'm not sure how admitting I'm scared makes me brave, but if it lets me stay with you, then I'm happy anyway."

"Stupid Kyon," she murmurs, her smile widening as her eyes drift shut, and her lips purse slightly.

I steel myself, and my own eyes drift shut as I place a tender kiss on her lips. The contact is soft and warm; her mouth tastes sweet, and a tingle of something like electricity surges between us. She finally breaks the kiss, her shadowed face even darker with (I think) a blush. My own face is warm, probably glowing like a space-heater in the late-night snowfall.

She squirms around a bit, sitting in my lap and leaning her head into my shoulder. "Aren't you supposed to ask me out?" she finally says, her voice teasing.

"I'm pretty sure we have the order of things all mixed up," I answer her. "And I could never think of a way to ask you out that was special enough for you. So, I figure I'll just pretend to be oblivious until you set things in motion." I give a falsely confident judicial nod at that. "That way I can never get in trouble for doing it wrong."

She giggles, then expands into peals of real laughter at that. "You're so stupid!" she says, when she finally calms down. "But, if you're really telling the truth about always being there for me, fine. I'll lead."

"You always have."

"Hmm, what's with that attitude? Talking back to your brigade chief like that-"

"What brigade chief?" I ask. "This is two highschool students. I don't want to change the way we are in the club ... don't you think that would make everyone else feel awkward? I'm sure they'll see it anyway, but we can at least be polite."

I will note I'm not blind here; Haruhi is offering to change how she treats me in the brigade. But changing the dynamic that much, so quickly.... I'm partially afraid of the risks, and partially, well, I just don't want to see Haruhi try and change herself that much for me. I care about Haruhi, and maybe it would be nice to see her calm down a little, but she's been doing that on her own at a good pace. I don't see any reason to try and make her pretend to be someone else in the meantime.

"Hmm," she muses, pushing away from me to stare into my eyes, one fingertip rising to trace the line of my smirk. A shiver runs up my spine when she does that, and it's not from fear. "That's silly. But kind of romantic ... and maybe it'll be fun. But I wanted to give you a penalty!"

"Yeah, I thought so."

"Humph! I thought I was supposed to be leading?"

"You are! I'm just anchoring you in place. What would happen to the club if we were just using it as an excuse to.... Er.... Well, anyway."

"Hehe," she giggles, leaning back into me again. "Okay, fine. But since I'm in charge, you have to ask me out now."

"Hmm," I muse, picking up the clues she's left scattered for me across the week. "Well, I guess ... I could ditch my brigade chief next Saturday, and we could run off to Himeji ... maybe see the castle? How about that? We can make a date of it."

"What?" she protests, giggling again. "How is that romantic?"

"I'm daring to defy the leader of the SOS Brigade for you! That's about as brave as it gets."

"Well, that's probably true."

She sighs happily and leans against me. Her soft, warm weight is enough to distract me from the slowly building discomfort in my ankles and hips, but not block out my awareness. As romantic as this all feels, it's still a rooftop in winter.

"Hey," she whispers. Then she says my name -- not my nickname -- my real name, and adds, "tell me how you really feel, okay? I don't want to think you're just doing this because you're such a nice guy...."

"What?" I protest with mock outrage, screwing up my courage and pushing her slightly away so I can see her eyes. In truth, my heart is racing; I've come to accept it, but I do not like my nickname. I had long ago thought she'd forgotten what my name was. That she remembered, and kept it hidden this long.... "Telling me you'll lead, then demanding I go first? Well, fine! If you don't understand what being the center of my universe means, then face my ultimate declaration of truth!"

Even in this dim glow, I can see her eyes widen, her pupils shrink; feel her tremble slightly in my grasp. I feign nothing with this; I feel no regrets for lost futures: "Suzumiya Haruhi! I'm calling you out and telling you directly and in person! I cannot imagine a world without you in it. I love you."

Her face flushes crimson again. "W...well, I love you too, so shut up and kiss me!"

Anyway, the rest of that early morning is none of your business.

* * *

Author's notes: Went through a few drafts of that final scene. Not perfect, but I think it mostly works.


	5. Epilogue

The Courtship of Suzumiya Haruhi

Epilogue: In which, the more things change, the more they stay the same. But sometimes, that's okay.

A 'Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' fanfiction.

Note: This fic is a sequel to The Blunt Force Trauma of Suzumiya Haruhi.

Disclaimer: The novel 'Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu'/'The Melancholy of Suzumiya Haruhi' is the creation of Nagaru Tanigawa. I do not know the producers yet, but the animation company responsible is Kyoto Animation. No disrespect is intended by the posting of this fanfiction, as I do not own the characters or settings involved. I'm merely dabbling with another set of paints. )

* * *

As it turned out, there was no ghost after all. At least, none that Yuki-chan was aware of. That made for a nice surprise for me, as that pleasant late-night discussion on the rooftop with Haruhi left me stiff and aching in the morning. Though in retrospect, it probably also meant that Haruhi never intended to really follow through on the ghost-summoning anyway, and just wanted our discussion to happen -- somehow.

So after some cleaning to tidy up Yuki-chan's apartment, we all drifted away home to finish homework before school tomorrow. Haruhi and myself, naturally, left last.

We couldn't hold hands since I was pushing my bike, but that was alright with me. I enjoyed last night, but I'm afraid of moving too quickly, and Haruhi had established that I was the brakes on an otherwise wildly speeding train. Well, I somewhat put myself in that position, really....

Her last words to me that day as she was about to enter the train station were, "Don't bring lunch tomorrow, okay?"

I smiled and waved, she gave me a satisfied smirk, and that was that....

What followed was a very pleasant week, nothing much out of the ordinary, even for our club, it was sedate. Haruhi was more into the games than she had been in a while, even going so far as to bring a few new ones in. She made me lunch twice that week, by the way. I was just thinking I could get used to it, until, of course, that fateful Friday....

"Oh," she said, when it was time for the club to end that day, "I almost forgot. Kyon, I need to talk to you in private."

Koizumi, Mikuru, and Yuki-chan gave their own farewells and left us alone.

I watched the door that Koizumi had closed behind him, then looked back at Haruhi and raised an eyebrow. "Yes, Brigade chief?"

"Not right now," she said, not quite meeting my eyes. Then she straightened herself up and stared at me. "Though, I guess I'm still in charge anyway."

I couldn't help but smirk at her when I realized where she was going with this.

Her face pinkened ever so slightly, and she tried to cover it with a scowl. "You get so cocky when we talk like this!" she grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest.

"And you get so cute," I countered. Her face darkened a tiny bit more, but she couldn't quite keep the smile off her face.

"Anyway," she said, shaking her head and turning her head to the computer, "I already made the plans up for us. So, we'll leave on Saturday and come back on Sunday."

The implications begin to settle in. "We're going to be there overnight?" I ask. Together? Alone? "This seems to be moving a bit quickly...."

She snorts. "I should have known that'd be the first thing through your head," she chastises me. "We won't be sharing a room...." She hesitates, for a moment her lips quirking to shape another word; probably something rude or derogatory, but she swallows whatever it was.

I know I said I didn't want her to change, but I have to admit, watching her choose her words with care, seeing her show thought and consideration.... Well, it _is_ nice. And to that end, we both want to avoid the annoyingly stereotypical tsundere/jerk relationship. So I bite my tongue and don't criticize her for leaving her sentence unfinished. "Well," I say, trying to keep my voice from sounding defensive, "it was only the first thought to cross my mind. What is the plan, then?"

She coughed quietly, tapping a key to wake the system from its screen-saver. "It's pretty straightforward," she answered. "There's a youth hostel with segregated baths in town, with a scenic view of the castle. If you get a working pass, they give you a room and meals are included. I booked us as the male and female staff, respectively."

I step around the desk and look over her shoulder, since she's using the computer anyway. The screen shows some sort of web-receipt confirming the reservations. Made in the name of the school, I note. Giant bold red text says, "Valid user: IP Confirmed from (Nishinomiya:Kitago)." She tries to scroll the page, but not before I see that the reservations are for only two (one male, one female, as she said).

"Anyway," she says quickly, "that means we're going to be doing some basic chores around the place to earn our rooms, but it's free, isn't it? And we'll still have most of Sunday during the day free to check out the castle."

"It'll be different from me paying for everything," I agree. "Funny that the receipt is dated from before our ghost story meeting."

"Gah!" she exclaimed, her face darkening very deeply. "Eh.... W...well-"

I smirk, shaking my head. "It's fine," I tell her. "What exactly will we be doing there? I've never worked at a hostel before."

"Well, in that case, I'll do the skilled labor, and you'll do the menial labor," she says with an imperious sniff and a wide grin. "Obviously."

I can't help but chuckle. "Of course." Now, how to run this one by my parents.... Maybe it's better not to think about it too hard; the last thing I want is Haruhi engaged in a yelling match with my mother for weekend custody of me.

"What's that face?" she asks. Not the irritated inquisition the last time she asked, a genuinely concerned question. "Something bothering you?"

"Oh, just thinking of what to tell my family," I answer. "Hmm...."

"I just said I would be spending time this weekend with the same students as last week," she tells me, her eyes shifting away, to look at the receipt on the screen. She shakes her head and clicks through the menus to shut the computer down. "Anyway, I want you to look forward to this. So ... you'll tell me if you're not having fun?"

I smirk at the thought that she would _really_ listen, but nod. "Of course," I tell her. "What's the worst that could happen?"

XXX

Me and my big mouth. First of all, working at the hostel wasn't as bad, or as much fun, as I thought it would be. Simpler, and much harder. Open-air outdoor baths are great, even in cold weather. But they're quite large, don't clean themselves, and I gave myself a blister on both hands by the time I had finished scrubbing both (before you start asking, no, there were no girls there when I was cleaning the girl's half of the bath -- that's what the 'closed for cleaning' sign was for). My uniform was a somewhat ragged but clean blue onsen-worker's robe. Haruhi's was a much better condition pink kimono with bell patterns on it.

I scrubbed, moved furniture, lifted heavy objects, and generally wore myself out. She served plates in the dining hall and did dishes. I climbed across the roof and nearly fell -- twice -- cleaning the gutters. She did laundry. I spent some time dismantling broken heating tables and replacing the worn or damaged parts. She waited in the lobby and greeted new guests.

Not exactly what I consider a fair distribution of labor.

Anyway, that was just Saturday, so after we got our own meals (once the 'regular' guests had already left the dining hall), I dragged my weary self into the room I was sharing with an older man who was studying something there -- I wasn't clear what. I barely had enough strength to make my futon up before collapsing into it.

It seemed that I only closed my eyes before someone was shaking me awake, and I tiredly opened my eyes to see Haruhi kneeling over me with a dangerous grin. She puts a fingertip across my lips before I can speak and points to the other futon. I allow myself to be lethargically towed to my feet and pulled down the hall to her room.

Naturally, she's not sharing hers.

Did I mention unfairness?

"Okay," she says, releasing my wrist and hurrying to her bag in the corner. The only light is a small battery powered hand-held lantern, but it's evidently enough for her to see by. While I'm rubbing my eyes and contemplating collapsing onto the floor and falling asleep right there, she pulls a variety of things from the bag. A length of rope, a map, ski masks, black clothes ... is that a grappling hook? "Now-"

"What exactly are you trying to do?" I ask, squinting at the collection of things.

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Haruhi," I say, as realization sets in, "we are _not_ breaking into Himeji castle in the dead of night. As you yourself mentioned, it's a world heritage site! There's security there, not to mention the fact that it's an ancient _fortress_. What are the two of us going to manage to do? I've been working all day -- there is no way I have the energy to even seriously consider this!"

"No problem," she says firmly, dropping the rope and walking over to me, grinning that huge grin she gets, her eyes shining like small galaxies in the reflected lamp light. "You just have to trust in me, right? You have no confidence or energy, so take some of mine!"

Then she makes a face, and it's not quite the death-gaze she turned at me during our 'duel' against the Computer Club ... it's softer, a bit more manic, and every bit just as frightening. "There," she says, releasing my shoulders after an indeterminate amount of time, when all I can do is stare into her eyes. "You should be feeling something, right about now!"

I sure do.... I'm not tired anymore, at least. "What exactly are you beaming into me?" I ask, feeling my face flush and an awkward need to either hunch over or run away.

"Eh?" she asks in surprise. "W...well--"

"No, I get it," I tell her. "You want me to say no, don't you?"

"That's stupid!" she protests, looking away, her cheeks lighting up. "Unless you come up with a better idea, we're going, and that's that!"

"Halt, break, time-out, I move to veto," I say in a rapid string of refusal. I think I get her game, though.

When she turns to face me again, ready to launch another protest, I grab her shoulders back and pull her into a kiss. When I breathlessly release her, she allows, "...maybe we don't have to go."

What have I gotten myself into? But I can tell by the mischievous glint in her eyes that this isn't over ... not quite. "I think I'm going to go to bed," I tell her. "We need to keep up our energy for tomorrow -- more work, and then a legitimate tour of the castle when we're done, right?"

She pouts, but nods, a tiny smile playing around the corners of her mouth. It's only after a few more kisses, and the heart-stopping silence that grips us both at someone mumbling and walking down the hallway that I break away and retreat to my own room that something finally clicks.

As much as I complained about not having a choice in the matter, being with Haruhi being a duty, and all that other juvenile nonsense.... Even though Mikuru seems to think it's for the best, Yuki-chan supported me, and Koizumi (if anything) was pushing me to make the move to open up to Haruhi.... The one who _really_ wanted me to be there and slow her down ... was her.

And suddenly, I don't mind at all. So what if occasionally she plans on going extremely overboard, just because she knows I'm there as her safety net? It certainly makes a guy with my test scores and complete normalness feel useful to someone who doesn't know she has the power to shape the world, but does it anyway.

Really, that's not a bad feeling at all. That 'beaming' thing might be a pain, though.

* * *

Author's notes: A bit disappointed with this one, but it ended, neatly enough. I kind of like the prequel better, insofar as I _can_ like something that's basically a Status Quo/Reset Ending (I have _got_ to stop doing that in Haruhi fics). It was nice and waffy, and let me have Kyon give something meaningful to Haruhi. I feel anything else I tried to do with this storyline would just be inflating it pointlessly.


End file.
